Japo watches the Twins

With both my mother and mother in law in tow Saturday afternoon we headed to Jack’s school carnival.

So many helpers meant I was actually able to have my hands free and chat to some of the other parents. Okay, I’m not sure I needed all the extra help, but it did assuage my guilt. While standing with a group of parents, I noticed Adam across the lawn, a baby strapped to his chest in a bjorn, with Ben on his shoulders while holding Jack’s hand for a carnival game.

Jack Plays all the Carnival Games

It was a perfect day, weather wise. Jack was having a blast. Both kids had napped that afternoon and were full of energy. Adam took them to the shoe store to get new shoes and Jack raced around the play ground showing everyone just how fast his new shoes were. Ben preferred to snack his way through the carnival – popcorn, hot dog, ice cream, cotton candy.

My mother said it reminded her of the days when we was in elementary school at Addison Mizner. They would have end of the year carnivals to celebrate. I don’t remember any of them, but you’ll bet I won’t forget taking my kids to their school carnivals. In some ways I think it’s more fun to watch your kids have fun then it ever was to actually have fun as a kid…

Bubbie joins us at the Carnival

Gina was in town for a conference this weekend and stopped by to visit Friday afternoon. I’ve known her since high school and we’ve managed to keep in touch via a 6-way email with a few of our other high school friends. This email group has the uninspired name of “The 6-Way Email Girls”.

Gina Visits

Email changed our lives. Because of it, we not only kept in touch, but we’ve gone on vacations together and kept up strong bonds of friendship.

All the woman in the group have an interesting background, and Gina is no different. She is a sarcoma (type of cancer) doctor. As of this month she is starting in a new private practice in Atlanta.

When she arrived her first words were, “Dude, I tell everyone about your story. If friends of mine want to have a third kid, I always say, be careful, listen to what happened to my friend Nikki.”

Wow, I’ve become a cautionary tale.

She came bearing many gifts for the kids. Expensive Lego sets for the older boys and cute onsies from the Disney store for the younger kids. Jack did an excellent job at putting together the Duplo set all on his own. It was a proud moment for me. Not sure why, he figured it out all on his own?!

It was so nice to see her. When it was time for her to go, she told me, “It’s exactly as I pictured it at your house, not better or worse. I just imagined my nephew’s Johnny and Joey at every age, all at once.”

I walked her to a cab and listened to her day. Travel to another city, a swim to train for her triathlon, then drinks and dinner with friends at a trendy restaurant. Sounded a lot like my life before kids. I felt a twinge of jealousy that all she had to do that day was look after herself.

But as I turned back to the insanity of my house, I reminded myself that this time is fleeting and it will be over before I know it. I have plenty of time in life for swimming, drinks and dinner, but only one time in life to raise kids.

Seems like when you have new born babies, people are full of advice on how you should handle it. They are sure you aren’t doing it right.

I found myself guilty of this myself at the dentist office the other day. The technician had a friend whose baby was cranky all day but slept well at night. I identified it as hunger, which is how Sam acted before I gave in and supplemented him with formula. Who knows if this new mother will appreciate my advice. I know if I got it when I had my first born I would be offended. No one could tell me the right was to raise Jack. I had read too many ‘expert’ books to listen to a layman.

Funny how things change. Now when people tell me how I need to change my mothering methods, I welcome the discussion. I no longer look at it as a personal affront, but rather helpful advice from friends.

My friend Lottie came by the other day and said I really need a night nurse. She suggested at least hiring one for a few weeks to help train the twins to sleep longer. Now why didn’t I think of that? It’s a great compromise. I don’t have to have a night nurse for months, I can do it during the stretch of time when I feel it’s right to sleep train, should that become necessary.

Another friend, Tami, suggested I get a night nurse for at least one night to get some sleep. Again, I’m open to the idea of getting someone in one or two nights a week to get some sleep. Perhaps it’s money better spent than trying to catch up on sleep during the day?

Either way, I decided to listen to Adam and everyone else’s advice and hire my summer helper for a few hours this morning so I could get some sleep. Everyone seemed very happy about this except for Jack. He was going to miss playing with her, he had school. Even Ben waved me off without a second thought as soon as Kristen arrived!

There was no way I would be able to sleep in the house with so many people around, so I drove to the gym to lay down in the sleep room. Yes, our gym has a sleep room.

Adam hitched a ride with me and on the way there I told him how I didn’t feel tired at all. It’s incredible how many nights you can go without sleep and run on fumes alone. I was only going to the gym to sleep because everyone else in my life is insisting on it.

I told him how upsetting it was for me to leave Kristen to play with Ben. That should be me playing with Ben. I didn’t want to miss the joy of wrestling with him and giving him the tickle torture.

In fact, if there was one part of this exhausting experience that I could pass to someone else it would be sleep. If only I could hire Kristen to sleep for me?

In the end I fell asleep instantly and woke with the feeling that it was the middle of the night.  I realized I am tired, but I’m in the thick of it and it’s hard to identify and all to easy to ignore.

Adam came home Tuesday night to find me in a state of exhaustion.

Jack Loves Holding the Babies

After another sleepless night, we walked around the neighborhood with all the kids who stay at home in tow, a convoy of strollers. In the afternoon it was hot and windy. We took all four kids to Jack’s school play ground. By the end of the day everyone was sweaty, tired and cranky.

When Adam got home from work at 8pm he took one look at me and said, “Hand me that baby and go to bed.”

I didn’t argue. I went to bed at 8:40pm Tueday night. I woke for the 10:30 feed. Then again at 1am and once again was up juggling babies until 4am. I must have been doing a poor job of keeping them quiet because Adam came in to see how he could help. At that moment, Ben started crying and Adam went to check on him. I was feeling very overwhelmed and sorry for myself when my mom miraculously showed up in the babies’ room and took the fussy one. Once I was down to one it was easy to settle him in the crook of my arm to sleep.

Right after the Morning Feed

Today I was tired again but wanted to bring the younger kids to see Jack on his school outing at the park. Adam suggested I take it easy, hire the sitter and get some sleep. I listened, sort of. I stayed at home, but skipped the sitter.

In the end we had one of those perfect morning where both babies slept at the same time (on top of me of course) and Ben watched a movie and napped down stairs with my mother. Three kids asleep at the same time! I got almost an hour nap in. I woke up to the unfamiliar feeling of waking on my own instead of to the sound of crying.

When Adam and I first got married I felt like we joined an exclusive club. The membership was your marriage certificate. Once you obtained one, you became part of the other side. The side that went through a wedding and lived to tell of all the family drama.

Then, when we had our first child, I felt like we joined another club. The parenting club. I kept looking around at how many people were mothers and thought, “You went through this? And you too? So many people going through sleepless nights! How did they all handle it?”

Now that we have twins, we have yet another club membership. The parents of multiple clubs. I no longer look at those mothers with singletons and think, you had it hard. Instead I think of that neighbor down the street with two sets of triplets, born two years apart and think, “How did she do it?”

Night time is the worst with the twins, as I guess it is even with just one kid. Every night I go to bed in a state of shock that I will once again be up all night then somehow manage to function all day.

Last night for the last feed before bed I found myself with Sam in the Boppy, feeding him with one hand and Aaron on the breast feeding him with the other. Aaron sucks a lot of air when feeding so soon he was in need of a burp.  I’ve learned to flip him onto my shoulder and slap his back one handed while holding him so I can continue to feed Sam the bottle.

Sharing a Crib

Putting them in the crib last night was not a complete success. Every time I got one calm and sleepy, I’d have to put them down before they were ready in order to pick up the other crying one. At one point I had one kid over each shoulder. They were finally asleep, but how could I put them in the crib gently with one in each hand? It proved impossible to do. I managed to get Aaron in the crib and had to swing Sam. But by the time I did this they were half way until the next feed. I just left Sam in the swing and turned it off until he cried for me.

For some reason after the feed around 2 in the morning, neither kid would sleep so I found myself in the same juggling routine, soothing one kid then putting them down before they were ready to sooth the one that was crying louder. I did this for about two hours until they finally both fell asleep, only to wake up an hour later for the next feed.

Every night I think about Adam’s offer for a night nurse and my stanch refusal to waste that kind of money. Most nights the uncomfortable moments, moments when they are both hungry with a poop diaper and crying hysterically at the same time pass quickly and in the morning I’m pleased that I was able to once again handle it all myself.

Adam has repeatedly offered to help but I’ve also refused it as Ben wakes up most night and needs someone to put him back to bed.

I’m happy to have the blog to remember these moments. It will all be over soon and I’ll forget all about the uncomfortable pregnancy, the pain of childbirth and the exhaustion of sleepless nights. Which is how I kept getting pregnant again! So I guess this entry is kind of like bloggy birth control.

Saturday was such an easy day that by the end of it I wondered why I ever complained so much when I just had Jack. Infants are easy compared to a 2 and 5 year old!

Adam took my sister to the airport in the morning. I cried when she left. Not only am I going to miss her cheery attitude and clever wit, but I’m really going to miss her hands on, 24 hour help. She was up most nights with me juggling babies. All I did was feed, she would burp, change diapers, and hold the baby I wasn’t feeding. She took Ben out every morning to the park. Every afternoon she and Ben would picked up Jack and let them play at the school playground for a few hours so I could rest. I was nervous to be in my own house without her!

Luckily it’s the weekend so Adam is here. After the airport he took the older boys to a place called 2 Toot’s Train Whistle Grill. It was all the way in Bartlett, but since they were half way there after taking my sister to the airport, it seemed like a fun, different thing to do. After hearing about their day I was again saddened they we don’t all travel around as one big happy family anymore, it’s become a divide and conquer strategy. I’m sure it’s temporary, but I miss palling around with the older kids and Adam.

Train that Delivers the Food

The food is served to you via train. If you order dessert, you get a little train whistle. If you order ten desserts, you can trade your train whistles in for a conductor’s hat.

They were out of the house all day. Which left Mom and I at home with the twins.

We took them for a leisure morning stroll, otherwise I was able to rest and relax while they slept and fed most of the day. Mom held any baby that happened to fuss. I didn’t even have to make dinner. Another neighbor brought buy a huge pasta, meat and cheese bake with bread! Thank you Susie!

Susie Linker's Pasta Bake

Last night, with two babysitters at the house (my mother and my sister), Adam and I managed to make it out for a few hours.

Me and Mike

Mike Vecchione, who I went to high school with, was performing at Zanie’s. Recently he has become a very popular comedian. He had an appearance on Jay Leno as well as a Comedy Central special. We saw him perform at our high school reunion. He was hilarious. I couldn’t wait to see him again!

I very hopefully bought the tickets when I was pregnant, but until last night I wasn’t sure if I would make it.

As I mentioned yesterday, I was finally able to give Aaron a bottle, which freed me to go see the show.

I treated myself to one glass one wine before going back to water. I didn’t want to waste any breast milk!

Adam suggested he take me to dinner first then the show but wasn’t sure my boobs could handle that much time away. And I also wasn’t sure my free family helpers that are visiting could handle that much time away from us either!

In the end Adam and I disappeared for 3 hours. In that time Mom and Lara put the older boys to sleep, fed the twins bottles and managed to get one in the crib for the night, straightened the entire house and folded the laundry. They managed to accomplish much more than Adam and I can in three hours at home!

Adam and I were able to relax and spend some time alone while getting giggles spoon fed to us by Mike. It was a very enjoyable evening.

Books before Bed

More help arrived last night. Mom’s flight arrived at Midway at 5:45pm. Between baby feedings, dinner and baths for the older kids, and the time it would take to drive to the airport in rush hour traffic and back I asked Mom take the Orange line in. Even with my sister here I’m still so overwhelmed! I wonder if it will ever get to the point where I feel confident covering 4 kids on my own?

I wasted no time putting everyone to work. After the last feed of the night I dumped a baby on Mom and one on Lara and went to bed. It was nice not to have to sooth the babies to sleep. I just got in bed and passed out.

Feeding Sam

Other than waking up soaked and shivering in a post pregnancy sweat, it was a good night.

The new bottle I bought for Aaron worked. He sucked down almost 4 ounces of breast milk and slept two 4 hour stretches. Sam gave me 5 hours. As a result I only had to feed Aaron at 1am then again at 5am. Sam fed at 2:30am and again at 5am. I was never able to get either Jack or Ben to feed less than 3 hours a go for at least 8 months, so to have a night like that when they are only 3 weeks old is a miracle in my mind. I’m sure it won’t continue but I will take anything I can get!