I hereby declare this year as the year of Elsa. Disney’s hit movie, Frozen, was a huge hit for Halloween this year and almost every single girl was wearing an Elsa gown. We even saw Jack’s classmate and younger sister in matching Elsa outfits.

There were two main characters in the movie. Both women. But I didn’t see much of Anna on the halloween circuit. Which made me wonder if young girls identify with the tortured, complicated Snow Queen better than the carefree, fun loving, brave little sister who actually is the real heroine in the story. Or maybe they just all want to be the one with superpowers and really cool dress.

Either way, with four boys I will not have the opportunity to dig into a little girls psyche.

I did, however, ask Adam if we had bought Disney stock BEFORE this movie came out.

Our costumes this year were also from a movie, but a very different genre.

It all started with Ben’s decision to be Darth Vader. The fact that he always wants to be the bad guy is a psyche I’m actually trying to avoid digging into.

Jack came up with the idea of all being Star Wars characters and claimed Anakin Skywalker as his own. Then he cleverly thought the twins would make good R2D2s. The hats for the twins made me think they could use them later for a bar mitzvah. They would make really cool Kippahs.

When candy is involved, it’s best to run, not walk.

We trick or treated this weekend BOTH days. Saturday was the Clark Street Spooktacular and Sunday, Halloween on Armitage. Having attended both, I must say I really preferred

Mini Jr Mint were too hard to resist!

Armitage. It’s much smaller, quainter, and less crowded. Clark Street had some great additions like street performers. We also got more candy, but in order to do so we had to push ourselves and our stroller into and around a lot of people, screaming at our kids to stay close the whole time. Armitage there was time to stop and chat with each store. The shops actually seemed interested in the kids and commented on their costumes. And it was close enough to our house that we could just walk there unhindered by a stroller. Armitage also has nice candy in fancy bowls. I loved the samples from Vosges Chocolate. I even trick or treated for a mini bar of Pink Himalayan Crystal Salt Caramel Bar. And a Jr Mint. Okay, and a mini Heath Bar. Alright I ate a bunch of candy people! I was worse than the kids on Armitage!

Double R2D2 sighting on Clark Street.

Aaron’s lovey Baby comes along on Armitage. He even fed him a candy bar.

We already have huge bags of candy and Halloween is not even here yet. Lord help me keep to my diet!

Today I left the twins with a sitter so I could go on a field trip with Ben. Originally I booked it because I wasn’t sure if he’d have an aide and there was no way another chaperone could handle him. But his new aide started yesterday (more on her later) so it ended up Ben had 2 people covering him full time.

It was my first time interacting with Ben’s class and it was very different from Jack’s. When I attended Jack’s field trips it was with complete joy and enthusiasm. This time around there was still joy and enthusiasm, but it was mixed with trepidation. You just can not go 6 hours with Ben without having an episode, even when you are doing something great like a trip to a pumpkin farm.

We did lots of fun things like a hay ride and a corn maze.

Hay ride on real hay stacks!

I thought it was funny how a bunch of city kids reacted to the farm. They were all deathly afraid of the bees and they thought sitting on the dirty hay bales was gross.

There were a couple of more provincial things that were enjoyable because we were on a pumpkin farm but would be absolutely intolerable in the city, like the dragon and giant show. It was a spin off of Jack and the Beanstalk. The lesson was that the giant was lazy and needed to work harder if he wanted to eat well.

Animatronic show

Later one of the owners and farmer gave a lecture about the farm, pollination and basically told us that the health of his crop was due to God. The last time Ben was introduced to God was when my father asked him if he knew who God was and Ben answered, “You mean Godzilla?”

Luckily this did not turn into another esoteric Ben conversation (I’m finding it hard enough to answer the questions he has about infinity and death!). At that moment Ben was busy playing with his group sticker that was suppose to be on his back instead of listening.

As for breakdowns Ben only had a few. One in particular was when it was time to ride the train. For some reason he got scared. He wanted to watch first then ride. That was the same language he used at Great America and never rode a ride the entire trip. It was a train very similiar to the one he rode this past weekend at the zoo.

I used the opportunity to point out to his new aide that he was suffering from anxiety. I then tried to show her how to handle him. I asked what he was afraid of. He said the water (there was a small man made pond in track). I asked him to come over to the rail so we could look at it together. I pointed out that the water did not touch the train. I also told him that he could watch, but there may only be one train ride and if so he would miss his opportunity. The aide watched patiently. Finally she turned to Ben and said, “Do you want me to ride with you?”

His eyes lit up and he said, “Yes!”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the train.

Sadly I realized as I was trying to teach the aide a lesson, she had just taught me a more valuable one.

Goat Feeding

Sometimes when you are in a relationship with someone you get to a point where there is a lot of ‘water under the bridge’. It’s hard to give of yourself completely, so willingly, so fully when you feel they have taken so much already. Ben’s new aide has no such resentments yet. I hope it stays that way. Because Ben is just a kid, and he’s growing. And one day this is all going to be a distant memory. A shadow of who he sees himself as in the future. And I need to keep that in mind and live through these days with as much patience and grace as she showed me today.

She also managed to get him back to the group after he ran away. I’m not sure how she did that either. Usually when I try to get Ben to do something he doesn’t want it ends in my carrying him away while he claws and scratches at my face.

I’m very happy today, because I now have a lot of hope that things are going to be even better for him at school. Because of his new aide he will start going to the regular classroom a lot more and hopefully he will get more of the social interaction he desperately needs to learn.

My father was in town all week.

We put him to work so much I’m scared he won’t ever come back.

He watched the twins all day last weekend so Adam and I could take the older boys to Great America. Then he helped our sitter, Angelica, watch them all night while Adam and I attended a wedding. Then the next day he helped me (Along with Bubbie and Grandpa Bill) cover all the kids so we could see Adam run the marathon and so Adam could conk out cold all afternoon after said marathon.

And more, so much more. I left him with the twins often to run. Adam and I went to lunch, dinner, and drinks numerous nights.

I picked the older boys up all week without having to wake the twins from their naps and cart them to two pick up spots.

Lego Building contest.

He cleaned dishes, washed and folded clothes.

On the El to see Adam run the Marathon.

And still he somehow managed to do it all with humor and fun.

Aaron loved getting read to.

We still go around the table at dinner time and say what we are most grateful for that day. Jack’s gratefulness was often pointed toward Grandpa Devensky. He liked the ‘bomb’ ball game they played downstairs.

One day Jack tried to sell Grandpa a book of cars that he printed and colored in to him for $16 (He reasoned $2 a car was a good deal.) Everyone got in on the bargaining. Grandpa offered $3 for a limited time. Ben piped in with $1. Then Adam offered more money, but with the condition of cleaning the basement. In the end Jack chose Grandpa’s $3. Smart boy.

Did I mention he fractured his pelvis a few months ago then threw out his back a week before coming? He never complained about it.

He even wrote in Jack’s Wow Journal this week…

Guess the Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree

We miss you already Grandpa!

This morning Adam attempted the Chicago Marathon.

It is his 7th marathon.

Team Calisoff heading to our first viewing spot.

Bubbie, Grandpa Bill and Grandpa Devensky were all in town. We actually had so much support that we had an adult for each kid. Even with the crowds I was feeling confident we wouldn’t lose a child.

At Armitage and Sedwick.

Mile 9 and 1/2.

It’s never a sure thing that someone will finish a race this long and this season he’s been plagued with injuries, especially in his calf.

40,000 participants, and 1.7 million supporters. On the Red line with the other supporters.

He missed a few other races this season, including the Soldier Field 10, because of calf injuries. And mile 9 and 1/2 it too early to tell if he will make it the whole way. I still wasn’t sure he would finish.

We made it to Chinatown, ate some dim sum then saw Adam again.

Chinatown, 21 and 1/2 miles into the race.

He was looking pretty haggard at this point. But with so few miles left, I was confident he would finish.

We were able to track his progress with a running tracker system the marathon provides. They text you when your runner passes 10K, the halfway point, 30K and the finish.

The race started at 8am. He passed the 10K at 8:57 with a 9:06 min/mile pace. He passed the halfway point at 10:07 with a pace of 9:39 min/mile. The 30K was at 11:12, 10:15 min/mile. In the end Adam finished in just over 5 hours – 5:04, the average pace was 11:37 min/mile. So you can see the struggle near the end.

It was an incredible feat for any person to complete. But for someone with so many injuries and so little training it was a miracle.

Congrats Adam! Good Job!

Elizabeth Gilbert, famous author of Eat, Pray, Love was talking on TV the other day about The Hero’s Journey.

Basically, author Joseph Campbell studied all mythology and religion and realized that no matter what civilization, religion, or background every single culture tells the same exact story. It’s called “The Hero’s Journey.”

He broke it into 12 stages, but the short story is an ordinary person is called to adventure, refuses, meets a mentor, goes through setbacks, hurdles and obstacles, achieves reward, goes back to the ordinary world and uses what he’s learned.

Buddha, Moses, Christ, Star Wars, even freakin Nemo, people! Think about how many times you’ve read or seen the same story written differently and enjoyed it immensely each time.

Elizabeth Gilbert seemed to think that everyone alive has their own hero’s journey. That at some point in your life there is always a call and you can either answer it or not. But if you don’t, bad things will happen. Really, there is only one way the story can end happily and that is if you answer the call and go on the long, hard journey.

It seems easy for someone who is already famous for transformation to look back at it all and realize the importance of the journey they walked. And to think that just like them, everyone must have a journey. A purpose in life.

But what if you just happen to be born happy and lucky? I find it hard to believe we are all walking around with a secret purpose that will explode on us one day whether we want it to or not, changing our lives completely.

Having lived a completely charmed and struggle free life up until this point, I figured Elizabeth Gilbert’s idea that every single person had a calling was a bit egotistical. But I am absolutely sure when I listen to her speak that her own journey was pivotal and critical to her life’s happiness.

Perhaps not everyone will learn or see their life’s purpose. Perhaps not everyone has one. But some days, when I look at Ben I think we just might have our own hero emerging. Right here in this household. Surely anyone who looks at the struggles Ben is going through must realize he is in an all consuming constant fight against all social norms.

If it’s true, right now he’s in the early stages – refusal. And like anyone knows who has been in AA, you have to complete the 12 steps for it to be considered a successful story.

We aren’t giving up. Today we are trying to introduce new mentors, (another therapist, a different therapist) to see if it will help. We are also still waiting on for his one-on-one aide to be hired.

It still it feels like we are daily trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I wish we could find the square hole but there doesn’t seem to be one that exists in the world as we know it.

Most of the time Ben feels like a giant snow ball flying down a mountainside gathering more naughty snow. We are trying to push it up hill with our bare hands, along with a team of experts who can sometimes push it up a little before it drops down again. We don’t want the ball to hit the bottom because that would be a disaster, but we can’t see the bottom, and so far all our efforts have made little difference to the trajectory.

I just hope and pray he’ll make it all the way through. That one day this little hero’s journey will have a happy ending. That snowball will make it to the bottom and keep rolling, using all the speed it gathered to climb up to the top of the next hill. And Stop! Just enough speed to make it to the top, not to go down again!

Recently I’ve been cheating a bit on my blog.

Yes, blog, I have another lover.

I’m sorry. It’s divided my time at night, and at least once a week I devote myself to it instead of this blog.

It’s Jack’s WOW journal. He writes us notes every week and brings them home on Friday. I then write a note back and send it to him for school on Monday.

I’m enjoying it entirely too much. Much, much more than he is.

He struggles and fights to write three or four sentences. I stay awake at night trying to top myself with new ways to delight him.

As Jack gets older and the other kids get more demanding, it’s nice to have this one thing with him. Just for him. A connect that we can share each week.