Friday Adam and I got the results for the tests we had done for Ben at the Erikson Institute.

I did not go in with high hopes. I figured either way it was bad news. If he had serious problems, that would suck. And if he didn’t have serious problems and was just being uncooperative that would suck too.

He tested normally and sometimes above average for most of the categories, but he did have some problems in the areas of processing speed, multisensory processing, emotional and social responses. He had a bigger issue with behavioral outcomes of sensory processing.

He was diagnosed as “Sensory Seeking.”

In layman’s terms, he’s smart enough for his age, but the way he processes things on a sensory level is disorganized.

He seeks more intense sensation than the average kid. Instead of a hug in the morning, a wrestle would be preferable. He needs to experience the world through touch, or by sticking it in his mouth. We complained that he couldn’t follow the instructions like the other kids in soccer class so we had to pull him out. That instead of kicking the ball he would just lay on the ground in the middle of the court, the therapist said that a sensory seeking kid might do that because laying on the astroturf felt good. Not because they are being openly defiant.

It was a diagnosis that did not take me by surprise. It was first introduced to me by my friend Jennie, who is an occupational therapist in Asheville. After hearing all the stories she told me to do my research on it, and coincidentally suggested I go to the kid’s occupational therapist that ended up testing Ben a few weeks ago.

If you have been reading my blog, you might remember we had a behavioral therapist observe him in October. Her first thought, even before meeting him was that he was sensory sensitive.

The therapist at the Erikson Institute told us he’s nowhere near the worst case she’s seen, but that sensory seeking kids often have co-occuring ADHD. That scared me. Then she said the best thing Benjamin has going for him is great emotional support that he has from his parents. That scared me more.

In the end it was suggested Occupational Therapy and Child Parent Psychotherapy.

Occupational therapy works on his motor skills. They might put him in a swing and push him or throw a blanket over him and wrestle with him. Somehow these activities are suppose to help regulate his system. I’m interested to see how and if it really works.

Child Parent Psychotherapy involves playing with your child while a therapist is there. It helps him learn how to deal with his anxieties and emotions, how to learn words and actions that will hopefully help him to begin to live a more normal childhood.

We plan on doing both types of therapy.

Our ultimate goal is to get him ready for school in September. He’s smart enough to start school, but we don’t want him to be labelled as a bad kid, or uncooperative because he reacts to things differently and doesn’t have the words or skills to help himself.

Jack turns seven today.

Although he is seven, he surprises me with the range of ages he actually is. That in one moment he can be very mature, the only one who can talk Ben down when he’s upset and then a few moments later he can ask for a Thomas the Train toy for his birthday.

This year he started to become quite a good soccer player. He was always naturally athletic, but these days he’s scoring goals every class and doing naturally what little boy athletes do afterwards, bragging innocently then shoving his stinky shin guard in my face and telling me to smell it.

This year he started to read too. Not just identify a few words, but he can actually read a few simple books.

He has become a much better student, too. His competitive nature keeps him striving all the time. But this year he seems to have found his rhythm. Sometimes I find him explaining to me how his homework should be done!

He also conquered a lot of fears. This year we noticed how much he finds the most daring, stomach wrenching ride or slide fun instead of scary.

Although he enjoys his computer and iPad games, he still hasn’t reach the stage where he is a video game junkie. He can spend a surprising amount of time building lego vehicles. And any random day he could decide to come home and put on his ultimate spiderman costume just to walk around the house. The time I love best is when he plays with his younger siblings. Making up races in the house or just starting a random dance party by playing “Dynamite” or “Gangham Style” through my iPhone or iPad. I think Adam’s favorite time is their nightly reading of the Harry Potter books.

I would describe his clothing style as rapper with a higher waist – track pants and long or short sleeve tops.

His request for dinner and dessert tonight was pizza, sushi and raspberry cheesecake. He is the very product of Chicago, Judaism and Asia.

Hope you are all enjoyed your Valentine’s day!

Personally I feel it’s a completely fake holiday made up by brilliant Hallmark marketing executives.

But I still buy the cards. So I guess the campaign worked.

And I still make the effort. But mostly because I’m raising 4 boys.

Even if I’m not fussed about a made up holiday, unfortunately the chances of all four of my boys marrying someone who also doesn’t get fussed about this kind of stuff isn’t likely.

Basically, Valentine’s day is a huge opportunity for failure for them. So I’d better make some effort, in the hopes that one day making an effort on Valentine’s day will come naturally to them.

I also had Adam buy me a Valentine’s gift, a reflexology treatment. But I’m only letting myself get treated like a queen for the boys sake. No, really! Okay, sort of. Alright, you got me, I’m shamelessly exploiting this holiday!

Tonight we all sat around eating a very special Valentine’s dinner. It was so special we didn’t even watch a show on the iPad while eating.

Steak, sausage, duchess potatoes, steamed artichoke and a salad. The salad was based on what I had in the pantry and fridge but ended up really good – green apple, dried cranberries, pecans, goats cheese, boston red lettuce, yellow pepper, cucumber, shallots all in a vinaigrette made with apple cider, dijon mustard, a dash of maple syrup, a dash of OJ and olive oil. 

Afterwards, any old dessert wouldn’t do. We had … drum roll please… chocolate fondue!

I’d say the dessert was a big hit…

And if that wasn’t enough, Adam opened up his briefcase and pulled out a rainbow of girl scout cookie boxes. Uhm, definitely off the diet tonight! But again, only for the boys sake, I swear!

Happy Valentines Day!

The Monster Jam always arrives in Chicago around Jack’s birthday and as a result, every year Adam takes Jack and a few of his friends to see it.

This year Adam upped the fun and added pit passes.

You can go ahead of time and see all the cars up close. They are taped off, but you can sit on the motorcycles that perform before the monster trucks.

After the boys checked out all the different monster trucks, Adam plowed them with all kinds of concession fun. Hot dogs, pizza, popcorn, cotton candy and snow cones. But not just any snow cones, snow cones in take home scary monster mugs. 

The twins are too young to join. This means so far I’ve been spared breathing in toxic fumes in an enclosed space while getting my eardrums blasted by the engine noises. But I know it’s coming…

Jack’s first grade teacher has a wonderful competition going in class.

For every 100 minutes you read, whether it’s the child reading or the adult reading while the child listens, you get a bead.

Every Friday we hand in our minutes and the results are announced to their peers.

Last time Jack won the competition, this time around he is in second place. Today he brought home his beads…

There are 70 beads. Adam spends hours every week reading Jack the Harry Potter books or other books from the library. Sometimes Jack reads a few to Adam.

I know we hand the sheet with our minutes on it in every week but seeing all those hours of time spend in this new context made me teary. All that work my husband puts in to help our most competitive son get ahead of his rivals. It was making me all soft. Until Sam saw the beads.

“I WAN IT” Sam screamed his three favorite words.

No way was I letting Sam break this precious necklace. To lose just one bead would be 100 minutes lost!

I said, “No Sam. This is Jack’s. He worked very hard on it.”

Sam screamed back, “I WAN HARD ON.”

I’m not sure why this always happens, but do you ever find yourself vowing to do better, to be better – only to be tested that very next day?

Perhaps it is the universe’s way of testing your resolve. Or maybe it’s your own premonitions that something will happen soon that will require extra strength.

Either way, it makes me slightly nervous when I make new promises to better myself.

Last night while laying in bed I was kicking myself once again (as I do periodically) for too much yelling, for knowing that my triggers are and not changing anything about them, letting the same situations play out and end poorly again and again. I was also silently berating myself for not doing more in the house, for collapsing on the couch at 8pm every night instead of spending one more hour cleaning or organizing some of the things I’ve let go too long.

Today started out pretty normal. Not that any day is normal, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

After lunch I was sorting through Jack and Ben’s sock bins, finding ones in the wrong place, rejoining them together and throwing out anything with holes (I lead such an exciting life, I know), I came out into the kitchen and smelled poop. I was surprised since both Aaron and Sam had already laid one on us this morning. But it wasn’t one of the twins.

There was Ben, both hands covered completely in brown, sitting at the kitchen counter playing on my iPad.

I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t made my new resolutions last night I would be screaming my head off, especially when I walked to the other side of the counter and saw it smeared all over the chairs and on the kitchen counter. But if that didn’t set me off, him violently shaking his hands and letting it fly everywhere certainly would have.

But not today. Today I was armed with new resolve.

Today I was not functioning “at my limit”.

Today I marched him into the bathroom calmly, stripped him down and put him in a hot shower. I told him it was okay, it was an accident.

While he was in there I wiped the counters, chairs and floor with lysol wipes before the twins got to it.

Then I went back and gave him a thorough wipe down. It was everywhere. Even inside each of his 10 fingertips.

While I was running around tending to Ben, the twins took the opportunity to grab the chalk and write all over the house, then make a mess in Jack and Ben’s room…

This huge mess took about 5 minutes to create.

After the shower I got Ben out and let him know that we would sadly have to throw his really cool superhero underwear out. That it was covered in poop and could not be salvaged. He was more upset by this than any amount of screaming. He kept trying to come up with solutions to clean it. To this I complimented him on his problem solving skills then, giving him my saddest face, told him that any underwear he pooped in would be thrown out and if he ran out of supercool undies we would buy boring white ones, not the expensive superhero kind.

Later during the twins nap I noticed that Ben was on the bed pulling on the covers I normally fold the clothes on. On another day, I would have dumped the clothes there anyway then gotten into an argument over him accidentally kicking or messing up the folded clothes. Today I moved the laundry to the dresser, where there would be no chance of a confrontation. Laundry done. No yelling.

After school is always a screaming match to have Jack finish his homework. Sometimes it take over an hour for something he can do in a few minutes if he would just sit down and concentrate. Today I switched things up, no down time before homework or homework might run into dinner time. I sat him down right after school and because I didn’t feel pressed for time, I didn’t rush him.

Here’s how it went..

We started at 3:50

Well, at least he’s still working.

This doesn’t look good. We are only 2/3 done at this point and almost an hour in.

Gone.

At this point it’s 1 hour and 30 minutes into me asking him and gently reminding him that he will have no dinner, dessert or books until it’s done…

Now sulking under the table while everyone eats.

Finally…

Done!

It took him just as long if not longer to get the homework done but the difference was I nagged A LOT less, didn’t yell and he got a lot more taken away instead. In the end he lost his iPad privileges for the evening. It was just as annoying for me and probably more annoying for him since he had to watch everyone eat dinner before he finally sat down and did it but I’m just going to keep it up for a good 2 weeks and hope to see that less yelling and screaming and more definitive rewards and punishments works. No wonder they say the first kid always gets screwed up! He’s a walking experiment on child rearing!

Overall it was a good day, and I was pleased that I tried some self improvement, even if it seems this is like this sort of exercise in bettering yourself is like cleaning your junk drawer. No matter how many times you clean it out, a few months later it is full of crap again.