Last Thursday Jack and Angus had their first falling out.

Before the fight, playing at Adam's Park with his new Super Soaker

I’m not sure exactly how it happened, as I find standing at a bit of a distance when the older boys play keeps everyone happier, but I entered the scene to find them calling each other names.

Ben uses his Soaker gangster style

When we left the park Jack said he never wants to play with Angus again.

I was heart wrenched to see him hurt. Even though I’m sure he had a part in what happened, you never want to see your kid hurt or upset.

But I realized it is part of growing up. It is yet another life lesson. For both of us, it turns out.

But on Thursday I thought it was just a lesson for him. So I drilled him on it.

“Yes, it hurts when your friends call you names. That’s why you never call anyone else names. The next time you think about calling Ben a ‘baby’, I hope you remember the feeling you have now and stop yourself.” I told him.

It didn’t stop him from doing mean things to Ben. But I guess that is also a two sided coin. Ben is hardly innocent. And what is the line between defending yourself and picking on someone? Can I really explain it in simple enough terms for him to understand? Do I even understand it myself?

Saturday night while Pam (Angus’ Mom) and I were out having drinks we talked about the fight. Pam said she talked to Angus about it. She said, “I hope he still wants to hang out with you after you called him names.”

Angus was sure Jack would.

Pam replied, “Well we’ll see. You should apologize to him.”

Oh, Pam is good, I thought. Motivating your kid through fear trumps my empathy plea for sure.

The next time we saw Angus was Sunday for Ben’s birthday. I was curious to see how they would greet each other. By the time I saw them they were off and running around together. Pam apparently had a talk with Angus in the morning again. When he arrived he apologized to Jack and all was better.

It warmed my heart that Pam was so sensitive to Jack’s feelings. I’m not sure I would have had the social grace to know what the best thing to do in that situation was. I feel like I might have just waited and seen what happened and hoped for the best. Not been proactive enough. If it happens in the reverse, I now know to make my son apologize!

Angus and Jack, Best Buddies Again

Ben and his "Freeze Ray"

This year instead of spending days putting our house together for a kid’s birthday party, we decided to hold Ben’s 3rd birthday at the Skokie Water Park.

The water park features five slides, a sprayground, and interactive multi-level play area, and a zero depth entry pool that turns into a lap pool at the other end.

We were very lucky, it was a perfectly sunny and warm day.

Besides Jack’s 1st birthday, this is the first party we held outside of our house. I have no idea why we don’t do more of them this way. It was so easy. Most of the prep work involved me calling people and giving them our credit card number.

Confirm the number of people coming, order the food, order the cupcakes, order the gift bags, then a quick trip to costco for drinks, chips, veggie plate, and a huge watermelon and we were done. Adam packed our huge minivan to the gills this morning and we were off.

We hired a sitter to help us with all the kids, Angelica. She was great with the babies and also playful with Ben. In addition I am very lucky to have so many wonderful friends who helped hold babies. Elissa, DJ, Michelle all took turns rocking, feeding, and changing the twins.

Special thanks to Cindy for baking her signature cookie cake for Ben. It was a big hit, and there are only four small pieces left sitting in our kitchen. I’m sure they will be gone by tomorrow.

Ben had such a good time he was fighting me when it was time to go. Only the promise of opening all his presents at home got him into the car.

Happy Birthday Ben, my sweet, smiley, happy, articulate, curious, clever little boy.

My girlfriends Pam and Laurie have been trying to get me to go out for drinks for a while. Since the twins were born they let me know that they were on call for a night out whenever I deemed myself ready.

I told them they would be waiting a while. Perhaps indefinitely.

Laurie took my response at face value and let it be. But Pam dug deeper.

What was keeping me from coming out? She wanted to know.

I narrowed it down to two problems.

1. I can’t leave Adam with four kids. I can barely handle four kids on my own.

2. If I manage to get all four kids asleep, or at least two of them, then I want to go to sleep. I don’t want to stay up during those few precious moments I could be getting some rest.

Pam, as she often does for me, came up with a practical solution. I can’t tell you how may times she’s listened to me rant about something then fixed it for me with a simple, obvious idea that I should have thought of myself.

Come out with us, come out early and bring the babies. Laurie and Pam can help hold them if needed.

And so we did! Thanks for making it possible, Pam!

J Alexanders

Ben in the Ideas Factory

This morning Kristen and I took all the boys out to the Museum of Science and Industry.

It always amazes me how much attention the twins get. Since Ben is a real momma’s boy at this age, most of the time I’m with the older boys while Kristen pushes the twin stroller.

She gets stopped constantly. It’s gotten to the point where she answers the questions as minimally as possible in an attempt to move on.

Most of the time the questions are comical. Perhaps people are just looking for an opening comment, an opportunity to talk and it’s all they can come up with.

“Are they twins?” People often say. Duh. How else could we have two infants at the same age in one stroller?

“My you have your hands full!” Yes we do.

Sometimes they ask more questions, assuming Kristen is the mother. Kristen is 22 and looks even younger than that number. And she’s rail thin! She gave birth 2 months ago?

While we were in the elevator leaving the submarine exhibit, a family behind us started to ask questions about the twins.

This time instead of rushing through the niceties while chasing Ben, we were all stuck in the elevator and I was able to study the mother’s face. I noticed her confusion, then the look of an ‘ah-ha’ moment.

Then I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment.

She thought we were a lesbian couple! Of course she would!

We had twins. As lesbians we would have had to have used artificial insemination which would have increased our odds of twins. And we’ve just finished answered them as minimally as possible. If you had an alternative lifestyle you weren’t sure someone approved of, wouldn’t you do the same?

Some lessons are taught purposefully, some are spontaneous.

Today Jack got them both.

This morning he dug a wad of cash from his piggy bank to buy Ben a present for his birthday. Ben has been asking for the Mickey Mouse book with miniatures figurines for some time now. He loves little miniature anything. He collects them and carries them around the house, taking them all out and naming them every day. We have almost every other board book with miniature included in a box in the back but the Mickey Mouse one. Ben knows it and asks often when we can get it.

So Adam jogged Jack down to Barnes and Noble this morning. Jack wanted to buy something for himself but Papa said no. This was a lesson on the value of money and the joy of giving. A perfect one for this age, as Jack has started to ask for everything he sees. I’d love it if he cherished the stuff he had more instead of always looking for the next new thing.

Jack was good, he restrained himself and wasn’t too upset that he couldn’t buy something for himself. He was not particularly bothered to part with his allowance either.

Later that morning we headed to the club to take the older boys swimming. Everyone had the same idea as us. It was more crowded than I’d ever seen it.

As a special July 4th treat they had snow cones for the kids available. We got in line with the boys. I got them snow cones then moved on to the flavored syrups. In the background I heard Adam’s voice getting louder.

I turned around to find his chest puffed out, arms arched backwards, yelling at one of the staff. Instinctively I rushed the boys along, getting their snow cones filled and trying to shield them from anything ugly or upsetting.

I found out later that the staff member, a muscular bar back, in a rush on such a busy day, pushed through the line of kids waiting for the snow cones and physically pushed Jack out of the way.

Adam grabbed his arm and said, “You just almost knocked over my son.”

Instead of being greeted with an apology, the staff member said, “If I had pushed your son he’d be on the ground right now.  You can’t hit me like that.”

Adam, “If I would have hit you, you would have been on the ground right now. Where is your manager?”

What would I have done in this situation? Probably watched it all happen, then comment to the people around how rude the guy was. Maybe even point it out to the other staff members working near by. I’m sure they won’t have bothered lodging a complaint for me. The meat head bar back’s behavior certainly would not have been reprimanded by the manager.

As an adult, do I want my boys to bend when they are pushed around? To get beat on and, instead of defending themselves, roll their eyes at the crowd around them? NO! I want them to stick up for themselves! Like my husband! Don’t take the easy way out and feel wronged all day. Have the good sense to speak up.

It’s so important for little boys to have a strong male role model. I’m so pleased the our boys will have one that not only thinks ahead and plans important life lessons, but in a sticky situation can also show them how to stand up for themselves.

Next time, I won’t try to usher them away. Next time I’ll stand proudly by Adam and help the kids learn how to be a man.

Kristen has to put up with a lot of things in this job – poopy diapers, Ben’s love of hitting and pinching, butt jokes, I could go on forever. One of the things I find hilarious but she probably does not is Ben and Jack’s morning ritual for her…

Putting Kristen in the "Time Out" Chair

The job is not without it’s perks, though. This afternoon, Jack was coloring dinosaur pages when Kristen asked him if he could color a picture for her.

“What would she like?” I asked Jack.

“Flowers,” he whispered back. Hmm, I had no idea he was so suave!

Jack not only gave Kristen Flowers, he even let her pick the colors!

I thought Friday night’s treat of only waking twice was a fluke occurrence, but perhaps, just maybe, we are starting a wonderful new trend.

Both babies were in the crib by 9 pm last night. I didn’t hear a peep from the twin’s room until 1:15 in the morning! And it was just Aaron. Sam slept until 3 am! That’s a 6 hour stretch!!! I woke again at 5am for another feed, and again at 6am, which got me up for the morning. But I still felt better rested than I had in a while.

I have started to give the babies a lot more formula at night. If they cry out in the crib when I put them down, I try more formula. I just feed them up as much as possible before bed. Not sure if this is why they are starting to stretch or if it’s coincidence. I know my other two exclusively breast fed babies never did anything this miraculous.

I no longer hate formula. I no longer look at it with shame, upset that I don’t produce enough breast milk for both babies. I no longer feel inadequate. I now think the La Leche League really screwed me up. I now believe that formula is magic. Formula is good. Formula is my friend.

As a result of the longer sleep, I was much happier to see my other two boys in the morning. I didn’t wake up with my first thought being, “how can I fit more sleep in today?”

In fact, instead of going to the sleep room in the afternoon, we booked the babies at the gym and both Adam and I took the older boys swimming. Okay, with four kids it was a little more complicated than that. Ben fell asleep on the way over so I got a pedicure at the spa in the gym while Adam and Jack watched a movie in the car, waiting for Ben to wake. Then I met them upstairs at the pool for a quick swim.

Jack is so close to swimming!

Finally after two months, a bit of a break through in sleep.

Last night I started to feed the twins and put them to bed around 7:30. This is a juggling process where you feed then calm one baby down, put it in the crib then start on the other. By the time the other is calm and ready for the crib, the first one is crying again. This normally goes on for an hour or more. Sometimes I just give up, put one or two of them on my chest and go to sleep.

Last night by 9pm they were both in bed for the night and didn’t wake until 12:45. Amazing. Then they fed and slept on top of me until 4:45. Even better. We were up by 6am. I was very happy.

I really needed it too. I was at sleep breaking point. Yesterday afternoon I planned to book the twins into the children’s day care at the gym, send Kristen upstairs to swim with the older boys and go to the sleep room for myself.

But yesterday the thunderstorms closed the pool. I changed the plan. Drop the older boys at the Children’s Museum with Kristen instead, then head to the gym with the twins. Ben fell asleep in the car on the way over and I could feel my much needed nap slipping from me. What should I do?

Thunderstorm Warning - Check out how my hair is standing straight up!

Luckily Kristen still has a functioning brain and suggested a stroller rental. Sixteen dollars and 20 cents later Ben was carted off asleep through Navy Pier.

I was so excited for my nap! Got to the gym and realized I, for the second week in a row, forgot to pay Kristen and it was the end of the week. This is what happens when you are a kept woman. I never deal with the money part of our life. Besides spending it, I don’t budget, pay bills or stress about it in any way. Now I was debating, should I go home and cut a check? There was no time to go back and get it before her shift ended. Again, what should I do? I really needed a nap. My eyes were closing walking into the gym.

I rang Adam. Poor guy had woke at 2am that morning to start work for the day. He was tired too. But he dropped everything, ran to the bank and got a cashier’s check so I could get my nap in. Thanks honey!

Big Brother Jack loves holding the Babies

The past two Wednesdays Bubbie has come by in the afternoons to help. Kristen has an internship that afternoon so I would be on my own without her.

When Adam is around Bubbie tends to gravitates to him, preferring to catch up with him rather than focus on the grandkids. I was worried she would want the same from me when she volunteered to help. And I’m not much for conversation these days! So you can imagine my surprise and delight when she managed to keep the older kids busy and occupied. This past week it even cleared up enough time for me to doze on the couch for a bit.

She has quite a childlike enthusiasm. The first week she climbed up and down the stairs all afternoon chasing the boys. They played hide and seek, read books, and other games. She was fully engaged the entire time. The next week she was on her hands and knees in a make shift tent under the dining room table, hiding from the bad guys with Jack and Ben.

It was exhausting just to watch.

She even managed, through determination and persistence beyond my capacity, to get Ben to clean up the toys in the basement.

She is SEVENTY THREE! She just came from her power class that morning at the gym! The woman has more energy than I do! She still rides a horse every week!

I wonder what she was like at my age. She must have been some force to reckon with.

Bubbie and the older boys hiding from "Bad Guys"