It is with a heavy heart that I write this post.

Last night we got the call that the gym no longer wants me to bring Ben in. Actually it was the option that, after yesterday’s incident, we don’t bring him in for at least a month. Ironicaly this is two days after I told one of the staff members that she would only have him for one more month, then we’d be busy with summer (I’ll have all four kids with little help and I plan to focus entirely on fun in the sun for them), then Ben starts school.

Yesterday I was summoned from my treadmill about 20 minutes into my run. This is the incident as it was explained to me….

Ben was playing with the only computer they have in the play room when another kid tried to join him. Ben pushed him away. The kid came back. Ben pushed him away again, but this time he was more aggressive. He did something to his throat that no one is really sure of, maybe it was a bite or a scratch but either way the kid was marked red in the throat area.

That evening I got the call.

I’d like to say I was angry but the truth is this has happened to me enough times that I can almost see the writing on the wall. The signs are always the same…

The staff stops wanted to make eye contact with you. The complaints about behavior get more frequent. By the time this phone call came I was getting a talking to at pick up almost every day. I wondered, as I often do when this happens, is Ben getting worse, or was the staff just worn down by him? Maybe he was just more comfortable with him and therefore felt he could let loose a bit more?

Ben is such a normal, every day part of my life that I have no idea what it would be like to be in a roomful of kids who keep their hands to themselves, don’t bite, are able to follow instructions and can play well with others. Do normal kids really do that? Actually none of mine do these things all the time, but Ben never does them.

When you have a sensory kid, the reprimands are constant. You have to ask him a ton of times every day to keep his hands to himself. Now it has gotten to the point that I just yell, “HANDS!” and Ben knows he should stop. He doesn’t always do it, but the reprimand is so familiar it has been abbreviated to one word.

There are good days and bad days. On the good days he is occupied with his iPad, chalk drawings, playing tickle torture together, or following Jack around and laughing. On the bad days it sometimes gets to the point where I just have to send him to his room for a while. No amount of punishment or explanation can help, only isolation can keep the peace and save my other kids from the constant touching, pushing, kicking and yelling he liberally spews out.

It is a very odd mix, because Ben is a very deep thinker. Which confuses me because I wonder how he can ponder such complex thoughts but can’t do the simplest tasks. This week he spent an abnormal amount of time asking about death. When you die, how you die, what happens when you die. He also grappled with the concept of infinity. Can you live to infinity? What is the number after infinity? Amazing questions that he asks with his fingers in his mouth, or in your mouth or while half walking and half tripping down the street next to you. It’s a very curious paradox.

When we first got the diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder it was so exciting. Finally a label for this behavior! Finally we can consult the internet and therapists and fix him. But a few months after the diagnosis is a very depressing place. We now realize that there is no easy, quick fix. It is just a long, hard road they may not even lead anywhere good, but you have to trudge down it full force immediately anyway, because if you don’t then it might be too late. Reorganizing a sensory system is a young person’s game.

When Adam came home I told him about Ben’s newest dismissal. He mulled it over while putting the older kids to bed.

When he came downstairs he asked, “What are we going to do with Ben?”

I answered, “We are going to love him though this. And we are not going to give up on him even if everyone else does.”

“I’m also going to drink this very large tequila sunrise.” I added. “Because it is like a summery drink and now that I am no longer taking any time for myself to work out in the mornings, summer has officially started and I’m going to celebrate it with a lot of tequila and a scant amount of mixer.”

Here is to a happy summer everyone!

Adam and I decided after much debate to sign Ben up for baseball this season.

After being pushed out of two preschools, soccer and getting a lot of “parent talks” from the gym day care, we did it with great reservation.

On the one hand, we’ll never know when he’s ready to join society if we don’t keep trying. On the other hand, we don’t want him to feel like he’s a failure all the time, over and over again.

With Jack’s practices I usually show up with all the kids and play at a nearby park while Jack practices. He can handle himself just fine and I can see him at all times. I make sure he knows where I am if he needs me.

With Ben, I can’t leave him with a group of strangers in an unfamiliar setting and expect him to act normally. In fact, even though he is closer to 5 than 4 years of age, an adult still needs to be with him constantly.

He will not follow the group or the instructions from the teachers or coaches.

Adam has been making an incredible effort to get home early from work to take him to his baseball practices. However, he always comes home wondering if it’s worth the effort. Last practice he refused to participate at all.

I usually stay home at those times and watch the other kids.

Today Ben had his second game. The first one we were away for but my father took him to and could not believe his behavior.

You see, at home Ben just seems like a normal kid. Okay, a normal kid who is a bit antisocial, paranoid, touchy, clumsy, and thought provoking. But in a group setting his sensory disorder really presents itself.

I won’t bore you with the details but my father said if they didn’t know Ben and saw him for the first time at his baseball game they would think he was retarded.

Yesterday we took Ben to the game and Adam tried to get him to join the group but he wouldn’t. Eventually I took a turn and was able to get him to go over.

Adam watched the other kids in the park nearby and when the game was over Adam was gleaming at me, saying how well Ben did at the game.

He was so happy at his ‘progress’ that I kept my mouth shut. It was all I could do not to break down in tears when I saw the difference between Ben and the other kids.

While the other kids were able to sit and wait for their turn to bat, I had to sit with him at every moment and basically hold him in my lap to keep him from wandering away while waiting to bat.

While other kids could bat without help, some even without a T, Ben needed the coach to do everything, practically swinging the bat for him.

It was sweet to see him up to bat, though.

Even though I spent a lot of time explaining it to him, he ran after the ball he bat instead of to first base. Eventually he figured it out and was able to run to first base the next time he was up to bat.

While the other kids stood where the coaches told them to, watched the batter and chased the ball, Ben completely ignored the fact that there was a game, even after I explained to him what he should be doing. He had ideas of his own. 

During this time he made patterns in the sand, he threw the sand into the grassy area, and he talked to me about life and death and where poop went after you flushed it down.

I know we don’t play baseball together after school and maybe if we did he would be better prepared. But we didn’t do it with Jack either and he adapted just fine.

I’m not even sure how much of it is his sensory disorder. Maybe he’s just got his own ideas about life and one day all this stuff won’t matter at all.

But sadly right now I know that following instructions in a group setting is critical for getting through school, and he seems completely unable to do that in any group setting you put him in.

After a few innings Jack came over to help out.

He ran the bases with Ben and again I felt like welling up, this time with pride as I watched Jack caring for Ben and Ben looking up to Jack.

Ben made me proud too, sharing his precious snacks with Jack and the twins after the game was over.

Overall it was a good game for him, and even seeing the familiar look on the coaches faces, where they go to choose whose turn it is to cover first base and they look right past him, knowing within a practice of two that he is incapable of participating fully, we still lived though another game and I’m hopeful that maybe, just maybe, we’ll hobble through the rest of the season together too.

I can’t believe that the twins are two already!

It snuck up on me so fast! I was in Atlanta with Adam last weekend and kept telling people our twins would be 2 next month. He turned to me and said, “It’s next week, Nikki.”

Oh! I hadn’t even planned anything!

Unlike the past, we didn’t plan a huge, expensive party. With six people in our family, we are a party every day!

Instead we went about our day, which was shared with all the kids activities. A morning baseball game for Ben, then an afternoon baseball game for Jack.

During the games the twins spent a lot of time at the parks near the baseball fields, enjoying the sun and relative warmth.

Afterwards we went to Homeslice for dinner. What kid doesn’t like pizza for their birthday?

Apparently Sam! In fact, Sam didn’t enjoy the day at all. Unlike all my other kids, who waited until about 3 years old, Sam hit the ‘terrible twos’ right on the dot. He basically cried ALL DAY.

Every time we told him it was his birthday he cried. At breakfast, lunch and dinner he cried and threw his food. When it was time to get in the car he cried. When it was time to get out of the car he cried.

He even cried when Jack gave him his birthday present.

It was some serious birth control. Thank goodness I don’t want anymore kids anyway.

After the presents we still did the cake ritual. I convinced Adam not to spend a fortune on a bakery cake and made my own yellow cake with raspberry filling and chocolate cream frosting.

Ben suggested a ‘rock’ cake and I happen to have some chocolate, dye free rock candies that fit perfectly. The twins, especially Aaron, spend every moment in the car pointing out garbage trucks, diggers, concrete mixers and buses on the street so I thought this would be perfect.

I kept bragging to Adam I could make a cake as good as any bakery but I was proven wrong tonight. It was lopsided, and drier than it should be considering I used all the naughtiest white carbs, chocolate and sugar, Sugar, and more SUGAR that you do with cakes such as these. I think I’m better off sticking to the healthy stuff from now on and leaving the white carbs to the experts.

It did help Sam snap out of his mood, though. Here he is saying “Happy Birthday” to the camera and laughing.

And not to be left out here is Aaron, always happy to eat…

Happy Birthday Sam and Aaron! Here’s to many, many more.

It is with a huge smile on my face that I write to you all about Gina and Mike’s wedding this weekend. In Atlanta. While our kids were in Chicago. Yup, first trip away with my husband since we had kids.

It was also a reunion of my high school pals, some of them travelled as far as Shanghai. Another one managed to pull the trip off just three days after she moved from Alaska to Utah.

Gina has some very loyal friends. Which makes sense because at the rehearsal dinner most of the speeches about Gina described her giving, selfless nature and her great ability to bring people together.

Heath spoke about Gina’s generous nature.

Holly gave a touching speech about how Gina’s face was the first one her mother saw when she woke up from surgery.

Mike’s friends took turns roasting and talking about how great he was. No one bothered to mention his kidney, which is actually just to the right of Holly in this picture, in his mother -Cindy.

Yes, Gina married a saint. He GAVE HIS KIDNEY TO HIS MOTHER.

Here are us Boca High Bobcats at the rehearsal dinner that evening…

Gina’s nephew Johnny is photo bombing us, in case you didn’t see it.

The next day Adam and I DID not wake to crying, for once. It was an incredible feeling. I actually felt guilty how easy it was to separate myself from the kids. Since I hardly spend time away from them I figured I’d be lost. But I was fine, just occasionally it felt like a limb was missing or something.

Adam and I managed to fit in an incredible trail run on Saturday afternoon. The weather was gorgeous and it was an unusual treat to be able to run with him again. In fact, the last time we trail ran together was on our honeymoon!

That evening we reconvened for the wedding. It was a camera free zone, but it was a beautiful, yet surprisingly ornate Lutheran church.

Jessica sang Ava Maria in Italian for the service. Even if I got a picture I don’t think it would do it justice. That song feels like it was written directly from a heavenly place and Jessica did not disappoint. Jessica was the friend who married Adam and I if any of you reading remember.

Later we were bussed to the wedding reception. Here we are again…

I didn’t get many pictures of the wedding, probably because I spent most of it like this…

I danced so hard and was so sweaty and hot all night I was sure I was going through menopause.

I did manage to get a picture of this fabulous wedding cake. They had a Croquembouche, which I only know about because my mother made one once and it was the hardest thing she ever did. And she experimented in the kitchen A LOT.

Gina and Mike, I know you are secluded off in Tahiti somewhere but I’m wishing you the all the happiness and fulfillment that marriage has brought me. It was the greatest thing I ever did in my life and I hope the same for you both.

We got back to Chicago just in time to enjoy the annual Easter Egg Hunt.

It was a gorgeous day for a picnic and egg hunt. Last year we were in snowsuits, this year short sleeve tops. You never know what you are going to get weather wise in Chicago.

I was giddy to see all my friends again. Even though I often go a week or more without seeing them, I felt like kissing them all today because after our weeklong California vacation, it felt like I hadn’t spent time with them in a million years.

Everyone brought their own picnic and we shared all the toys. Here are a few things that kept the kids busy…

Bubbles

Kites

Sack Races

Chalk

Bean Bag Toss

Stomp Rocket

Two different playgrounds to choose from.

The older boys preferred running, tree climbing, and wrestling games. No need for a playground or toys at this age!

After all this fun it was time for more fun… Easter Egg hunting!

Last year Ben insisted on eating every egg on the spot, which drastically reduced his overall haul. This year Adam talked to him at length about grabbing all you can then opening them later. It kind worked.

Jack filled his entire bucket! Then nicely shared some with the twins.

The twins first egg hunt.

This year was the first year the twins were old enough to egg hunt. After I took this picture I grabbed one of them and ran to the eggs while Adam grabbed the other one.

Our friend Laurie (in the white) said it reminded her of the Hong Kong nannies. When she lived there, she noticed they were so competitive that they would grab the kids and run with them instead of letting them race themselves! Well, Laurie, if I don’t help the twins there will be no kid to steal candy from! Ben and Jack are too old!

The happy hunters and their haul.

Afterwards we all pig out on candy. Some of us ate lunch too…

It was another successful Easter and I want to thank everyone for making the effort this year with eggs, candy, toys and lunch. Can’t wait to do it again next year!

Besides all the other great things we did in LA, there were a lot of other great moments worth mentioning.

Like the afternoon the cousins came over and we went swimming at the hotel pool. afterwards we ate lunch poolside, a treat so luxurious and vacationy it reminded me of my days in Hong Kong.

Or all the great food. Authentic Mexican, an insane buffet breakfast that we pigged out at every morning, yummy Korean food that Joy and Sean treated us to, afternoons full of frozen yogurt and so much more…

Can you get bad Mexican food in LA? All the kids (and parents too) loved this meal.

I definitely grew another stomach this week.

Joy and Sean treat us to this Korean Feast!

We got more family photos in one week than we get in one year on this trip…

We saw lots and lots of parks. Roxbury, Homby Park, La Brea Tar Pits…

Roxbury was excellent for all our kids. It was easy to see them at all times too.

Homby was a bit of a nightmare. close to the street with lots of open exits and swings that were poorly placed.

La Brea Tar Pits were better for our older kids.

For some reason our move from one hotel room to another struck me as funny…

I got some great photos of my nephew’s baseball game. Unfortunately they are in the camera I left in our hotel room this morning. As you can tell from the blog, I LOVE MY CAMERA. So it was pretty upsetting to leave it behind accidentally. But not as upsetting as leaving my backpack with wallet in it behind on the limo ride home from the airport.

But let’s not dwell on the problems, because there is nothing more I can do to fix them right now anyway. Everyone just cross your fingers for me that it all works out in the end.

Let’s go back to talking about our trip. That is a much more pleasant place to dwell!

We saw some things that only happen in LA, like randomly walking past George Kotsiopoulos filming at The Grove. It’s always unnerving to see people you watch on TV standing in front of you in real life.

Or the night Adam had a work dinner and walked out to see a black SUV turned over and on fire on the street. They were filming something. Because that’s what happens in LA!

Or even seeing the news LA style, where everything is reported from a helicopter.

It was good to get away, I think the boys really learned a lot and grew on this trip. But great to come home to the comforts of my own home and schedule too.

Good-bye LA! Until next time…

Adam’s sister and husband made quite a hoopla about our visit to LA.

For the past two days they rented a bouncy house, water slide and snow cone maker.

It was barely warm enough for the slide both days but that did not stop any of the kids from endless variations of sliding…

Roman and Sky

Ben! The look on his face each time was priceless.

Sometimes even the adults joined in…

Joy!

Sometimes everyone slid together.

Sam and Sky didn’t even need the fancy slide, a tub of water to splash in was fun enough.

By the second day the twins were brave enough to go it alone.

Sky looked at this picture and said she looked like she was walking on the moon.

Sam and his snow cone.

Aaron couldn’t believe his luck. Hs favorite thing to eat is ice and here was FLAVORED ICE?!

As Sky put it, it was like a 2 day birthday party. Happy Birthday Spring Break!