I cringe as I write this that I may jinx myself, but here it is.

I think Ben is mostly potty trained.

I’m starting to think that the deadline to potty train is more a factor than if your kid is ready. I know I only had the will power NOT to use diapers because we were merely weeks from school starting. There was no going back.

At first I tried candy rewards. Which I thought made me a bad mom, 2 peanut M & Ms for a pee and 4 for a poop. He didn’t seemed motivated by them. So I became a worse mom and started to lose my patience. That didn’t seem to work well either. Finally I tried another tactic from my bad mommy arsenal, negative reinforcement.

“Ben, you know those juice boxes you love so much that you get diarrhea? Well, you can’t have one until you poop on the potty. I’m not cleaning that kind of poop off the floor anymore. Especially not the carpet!” I exclaimed in a not so soft voice.

Adam piped in with his own deal. “You can have those superhero monster trucks you want from Costco if you poop three times consecutively on the potty”.

Well, not only did Ben start pooping on the potty, but he learned a big word – consecutive.

Every time he went pee he sat on that potty grunting like his favorite superhero, The Hulk, until he produced a poop. He was able to get those monster trucks within one day!

Best $20 Adam Ever Spent

Last week after three of us (Adam, my father and I) put all the kids to bed, Adam and I decided to go for a walk. It was a beautiful summer night and a great time to catch up with each other and get some errands done.

When you have four kids, everything in your life is multitasked. Walk with husband + Errands. Cooking + Laundry. Breast feeding + Pooping. The combinations are endless.

We walked over to CVS. While waiting in line to purchase our goods, we talked about Ben’s progress with potty training. So far still pooping everywhere but the potty. Though it’s getting better. Yesterday he pooped on the rug in front of the TV, then made it in the potty later, then again in his overnight diaper the minute I put it on. Anyway, this particular evening I think that day he pooped in his underwear, then stuck his hands in it while I watched helplessly from the couch, a baby attached to my breast.

The check out girl heard us talking and started telling stories of her own. Her nephew and how bad he was, how hard it is having a kid.

“How many kids do you have?” She wanted to know.

“Four”. We replied as we placed out goods on the counter to pay.

She was flabbergasted. But all of a sudden the stuff we were purchasing made perfect sense. We handed over a large pack of condoms and three boxes of ear plugs.

Oh yes I did just call myself that.

Monday I accomplished the impossible, or so I thought when I first became a mom of four.

I went to the park by myself.

My helper is out of town and my father, who is here this month to help, had to work.

I knew he couldn’t make all those work phone calls with our naked, screaming kids running around, punching him in the groin and trying to sit on his lap and violently type on his laptop. I had to get out of the house. Otherwise Dad would lose his job. And there is my inheritance to consider, after all.

I tried my hardest to get the kids out before his first call at 10am. But at 9:40 I still had my boob in the second of the twins that needed feeding, both older kids were completely naked, I was still in my jammies and the car was not packed.

By 10:10 we had almost everything piled at the back door, including two twins in their car seat, one screaming. One older kid was dressed, the other one was standing at the door crying as I was screaming that I was going to leave his naked butt if he didn’t get dressed by the time I pulled the car out of the garage.

At 10:15 my father was on the work phone call while carrying twins out to the car. We all got in and as I was backing out Dad and I gave each other a guilty look. I felt guilt for making him work under such oppressive conditions. He felt guilty I was going to the park with four kids on my own.

I now have to eat crow about making fun of Hilary Clinton for saying it takes a village to raise kids. When we just had two I wondered where this village was. Adam and I did all the work unless we were paying someone else for it. That’s not a village, that’s just capitalism.

But today I needed a village. Or a small army. Luckily I happen to travel often with a pack of girlfriends. Today my village people were Cindy, Sara, and Pam. Thanks for all the help!

I’m pleased to say that we didn’t lose anyone, everyone was fed lunch. There was only one potty accident and we all made it home safe. There was even a moment where I was asked to watch another two kids while one of the women when to the bathroom. I must fake that I have it all under control quite well.

Seems like the nights are getting worse, not better.

Thursday night (aug 16) Jack woke up from peeing in his bed by 11pm at night.

The twins, who used to sleep a long stretch, are now both waking up earlier and earlier for their first feed. Thursday night is was 1:30am. Both fed at the same time, which I was hoping meant more uninterrupted sleep for me.

Then Ben cried at 2am for me. Adam covered him, getting him back to bed. He heard me up in the kitchen and text me to check Jack’s temperature when I was done feeding.

Grab sleep when you can at our house!

I put the twins back in their cribs and checked Jack’s temperature. He was in our bed. 100.9°. I was so tired I confused my text messages and sent the reply to my friend Jenny. Then I had to explain to her how ridiculous our life has become, that at 2am I have to text my husband in order to communicate with him, even though he was in the next room. What are we doing wrong that 5 out of 6 of us are up at such a late hour?

It didn’t end there, another wake up for the twins at 3:00am for me.

Jack woke Adam up at 4am, then Ben work Adam up at 5am. I know because I heard it while I was once again breast feeding the twins at that time.

Final wake up time, 6am.

I had reached my limit. I pulled out my Ferber book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems.

Seems the problem I have with the twins is that Sam doesn’t know how to settle himself. Aaron can be put down drowsy but awake and go to sleep. He wakes up now because he sleeps on his tummy and scoots into a corner of the crib and cries. I think he also wakes up when Sam cries, hence the reason they are both feeding at the same time at night. So, I assume the problem is Sam. He needs to be put down drowsy but awake.

Accidental Nap on the Couch

And Ben? Not sure, but Adam said not to worry, he would get him to sleep through the night. Ben would break before he would. I know when Adam is resolved to something, he completes it entirely. I stopped worrying about Ben for now.

I knew I had to do it but it still took me two more nights past my limit before I manned up.

Friday night Ben was the only one who slept the entire night. Jack was up all night with his fever, and the twins, between the two of them, woke me 6 times.

Saturday night, as I mentioned before, another bad night. Sam was up every two hours and woke for good at 5am. Jack threw up around 2, waking Ben up. At one point Adam was in Jack’s bed and I was in Ben’s putting them back to sleep. Then just as I was falling back to sleep, another twin crying.

Sunday night Sam drank a huge bottle of formula and passed out, but woke 45 minutes later. I shoved a boob in him, an automatic response. He sucked half heartedly two or three times and was out again. I put him in the crib. He waited another 15 minutes to cry. I left him there. Give him 10 minutes, I thought. By eight minutes everyone was on edge.

“Maybe I should eat those leftover cookies to distract myself from the crying?” I thought.

“No, my 40th birthday is just around the corner. I don’t want pictures of myself all tubby, forever preserved in the Calisoff history books.” I silently replied to myself.

“Maybe he has a fever?” Adam asked.

I went in and checked his temperature. No fever.

I put him down again, this time on his tummy. An excruciating, long 3 minutes later he was asleep.

I put myself to sleep by 9:30pm. I braced for the worst. But instead I woke up at 4am, my boobs about to burst. The first kid to wake up in our house was Aaron at 4:30am for a feed. SAM SLEPT UNTIL 5AM! Ben woke around the same time, but Adam got him back to sleep. And Jack? Slept all night and woke happily in a pee soaked bed.

Today we went back to Ravinia to see Justin Roberts.

It was a gorgeous weather and the grounds were not over crowded, which made for a very pleasant morning.

We felt very lucky that Kelly decided to spend her birthday with us…

Gouss’ with honorary member (Aaron)

Calisoffs, Kaplans and a Devensky

Would love to write more, but I’m on my way out to dinner with my husband. I just heard the sitter ring. Yeah!!!

Jack watching a show with Sam

Both Jack and Ben love the twins. In fact, sometimes it’s completely annoying that they want to dote on them constantly, especially when they can be so rough at times.

Ben is the worst. He wants to share a toy with Sam, so he shoves it in his face, smothering him. Or he wants to give them a hug until he squeezes them purple. I remember Jack was like that when he was Ben’s age too. At that time, Ben was the same age as the twins. I once came downstairs to find Jack had put a pillow over Ben’s face. Lucky for Ben, one of the perks of being a second child is your parents know it’s all a phase. I hope Ben will grow into a better big brother, like Jack has.

Jack Holding Aaron

Jack still can be annoying, but at times he is actually helpful. When a baby cries he will pick them up or try to sooth them. He can still be too rough, but I’m trying hard to let him interact with supervision. He can actually carry the babies. It’s scary to watch. I try to keep my mouth closed except for helpful hints.

“Hold the baby under the bottom.” I say as cheerfully as possible.

In the beginning I was more protective, afraid that any interaction between the older kids and the twins would result in disaster. I’m trying to change. Trying to encourage and show good interaction instead of just not dealing with it.

I’m reading a new book, How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm. It’s an insightful look at how other cultures raise kids differently. I don’t agree with all the ideas, like the Argentines who keep their babies up all hours of the night. But I like that the French show their kids how to enjoy their food. I’m very far away from their method of sit down, four course dining. But maybe one day?

Jack entertaining Aaron

I’m also reading how some cultures let the older kids help more with the younger kids. In America we feel we are denying them their youth by asking them to lift a finger for anything other than play, but in fact most kids love to help. Not just with child care, but with everything in the house. I don’t want to raise a man who can’t do laundry, cook or clean. I certainly don’t want to raise a man (or four for that matter) who will become someone husband who can’t do laundry, cook or clean.

So Jack has started the training process. He cooks, he helps with the babies. Even Ben can help with little things like throwing away a dirty diaper.

The kids enjoyed the hot dogs, ice cream in little Cubs hats, licorice and cracker jacks.

Jack’s local, community run baseball association, the Oz Park Baseball Association, along with some other baseball programs has an annual “run the bases at Wrigley” game. You get discounted tickets to the game and, most importantly, the kids get to actually go onto the field after the game and run the bases.

I was just happy to sit out in the warm, sunny day with a mai tai while my husband bore most of the child care responsibilities of the older kids who were with us. My father bore the full responsibility for the twins who were at home with him.

I finally understood why, on a Wednesday afternoon, over 30,000 people were willing to clear their afternoons schedules to watch the second lowest ranked team in the nation. (The only team ranked lower than our beloved Cubs were the team were happen to be playing, the Houston Astros.)

When it came time to run the bases, it started out well…

Then Ben decided to stop and play in the sand, no parents were allowed on the field, so Jack tried to help move him along…

Finally, an official let Adam run onto the field to get Ben…

And they ran all the way home… together…