As usual, when Ben has a school trip, I make sure to attend. What can I say? The kid is very strong willed and beats to his own drum. I don’t trust him not to get himself lost, and I don’t think there is an adult out there who can keep him corralled.

Here is a perfect example. I show up for the field trip this morning. Every kid is sitting on the rug listening to the teacher read a story. And what is Ben doing?

He’s drawing on the white board.

Soon after we board the bus. Ben, bad boy that he is, insists on sitting in the back, then laughing hysterically as we go over every bump.

Today we visited North Park Village Nature Center. It’s a Chicago Park District park right in Chicago. It’s so big that we saw a few deer roaming around. Did I mention it’s right in the city? Forty Six acres of woodlands that I never even knew about!

As a bonus this time I got Emerson as well as Ben to chaperone. I love her because she can really hold her own with Ben. This weekend I caught them at a party in a bouncy house wrestling each other on the ground. I think she was winning.

Besides deer we saw all kinds of bugs, turtles, crawfish, and flowers. It was a lot of fun to poke around and because there a path without too many choices, it was not stressful at all keeping up with the group.

Of course, the best time had was in the end when they had free time to run around together like a pack of wolves in the open grassy areas.

When my high school buddy Danny texted me saying he would be in town for the weekend and was wondering if I had some time to meet up, I felt terrible telling him our schedule. It was very uninviting for a single guy who probably hoped we could have a real conversation without being interrupted every 10 seconds.

Friday night Adam took Jack and Ben to Go Banana’s for Jack’s buddy Mekhi’s graduation party.

Go Bananas!

I stayed with the twins and had 2 blissful hours to myself. I wasted it on laundry and cleaning, but it was still nice to do it without a kid or two tugging on my leg.

Saturday we were so over booked we had to divide and conquer. Adam took the twins and Jack to his last soccer game.

End of season trophies for all.

I took Ben to his classmate, Eli’s, party at Pump it Up.

Ben AKA Jackie chooses to sit with all the girls.

We all piled in the car in the afternoon for Jack’s baseball game. Adam watched Jack play while I covered the other three in a nearby playground. Not a free hand for any photo opportunities, sorry my loyal readers.

Then Adam dropped me off with Jack and Ben at Ben’s school for his school fair fundraiser. Adam took the twins home to feed them dinner and bath them. The school fair had lots of games and prizes, hot dogs and a big open space with playground to run and play. The kids loved it.

Mini Golf at the school fair.

Sunday morning Adam took Jack to the park to practice some baseball while Ben, the twins and I hit our local corner park. Jack and Adam joined us later.

Then Adam watched the twins during their nap while I took Jack and Ben to another birthday party, Zack’s bowling party at Diversey River Bowl.

Ben leaning to the left, as if willing the ball left with his body. I do that too!

Basically, we had Sunday afternoon free to meet up with Danny. I don’t think he found it a very exciting offer, and I saw him later on facebook at Wrigley and checking out some of the local festivals. Would have been nice to see him, even nicer to hit some of the festivals he was thinking about doing this weekend with him. But unfortunately it’s not the time in our lives for that. This time in our lives are all playgrounds, birthday parties, and fast food dinners.

So we finished the afternoon at Adam’s park. Jack and Ben built a moat in the sand box then basically rolled around in it. Afterwards we hit Chipolte for a quick dinner at the ungodly hour of 4:50pm. The twins left an embarrassing amount of rice and beans on the floor but luckily they never make us feel bad about it there. And now I’m home, blogging, doing MORE laundry, and cleaning the kitchen before it’s time to drag my exhausted self to bed.

Okay, I get it people. After seeing the show, I now take back all the snide comments about having a graduation for kindergardeners.

“What’s next, will they give Jack a metal for counting to 10?”

“This is what is wrong with America, they give out trophies even when your team doesn’t win!”

Today we went to a 2 hour kindergarden graduation show that was adorable, entertaining, funny, and heartfelt.

The class did sung us “Open Your Heart” by Laurie Berkner, complete with matching movements.

Next they entertained us with a play called “The Tinker.” Jack had 2 lines of his own, as well as many group lines. It was interesting to watch him up there. So many of the kids were so expressive and vocal. He was shy, but not painfully so. And he looked at us often for approval. I discovered who he was a bit more by watching him onstage today. I’m pleased that he is going to a Fine Arts Magnet. I think it will really help him in life. Learning to feel comfortable in front of an audience is a great lesson to learn, especially so early in life.

They sung and danced to Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite”.

The class also had a slide show of pictures, and a video of all the kindergardeners answering questions like what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most of the girls wanted to be veterinarians. Jack wanted to be a truck driver.

Finally they marched them one by one across the stage to with “Pomp and Circumstance” playing in the background to receive their diplomas.

Afterwards the 1st graders treated us to a reception in the gym.

Then I was down to one kid for a kindergarden lunch organized by our friend Rebecca. It was lovely to feel so free. I actually SAT DOWN to eat and had real, adult conversation.

Ben and I after the show (with his wooden spoon puppet).

Today both Jack and Ben had school performances with their drama and dance classes.

The first show was a puppet show at Ben’s school. It was early, around 9:30am. So I put the twins in the stroller, filled their trays with snacks, and headed over to Ben’s school.

Ben was standing in line waiting to get on stage when he saw me. He jumped out of line and refused to get back in. He wanted to kiss me. He wanted to crawl into the stroller and kiss the twins. But none of that was communicated by him. Instead, he looked like a crazed kid, kicking and screaming and fighting the teacher to get to us. Finally he kissed us all then I left him, kicking and screaming that he wanted Momma and went to the find a seat.

I couldn’t get a good shot of Ben because he never once stood on stage with the rest of his class. He tried to jump off when he saw me. The teacher had to basically hold him like a straight jacket to keep him there. Finally they realized he was making too much of a fuss and brought him back stage.

I wanted to be angry at him. But I couldn’t because I don’t think he got it. He saw me, he wanted to be with me. He’s three years old. He practiced that song at home all the time. But I don’t think he ever realized why. I told him I was coming to see him in his puppet show, but he still didn’t really get it. Even after they pulled him back stage, this is what I was met with…

Ben saying ‘cheese’ for the camera.

I did feel bad for that poor teacher. She was no match for Ben. I’m not sure anyone is.

Later, during the twins nap, I headed over to Jack’s school for his performance. They did 3 numbers. I song with a bunch of xylophones, then a “woodlands” song where they sang then made funny animal sounds. Finally they did a dance number to some 70s music.

Jack walked in with his shirt covering his nose and mouth and for a second I was worried I would have two very poorly behaved kids today. I was starting to wonder what I was doing wrong.

He finally uncovered his face. When I asked him about it later he said he was trying to be funny. I must remember to work on humor with him more.

Jack dancing to 70s music.

After the performance was over, he and two of his little testosterone laden buddies (Timmy and Luke) started pushing and shoving each other with absolute glee.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand boys.

Well, I made it through the day. But by the time Adam arrived home I could barely talk to him.

That night as we lay in bed, I told him why.

I was disappointed. With myself. I spent the entire day keeping the kids clean and fed. I broke up their fights. I reprimanded bad behavior. I cleaned up toys, I nagged them to clean up more toys. It was a job any babysitter could have done.

I felt bad that I couldn’t take them out some where to have a new experience. That I couldn’t get on the ground and play with all of them, or any of them for that matter. I couldn’t get them to behave better using positive reinforcement because I didn’t have time to step back and find things to positively reinforce.

All I could do was the bare minimum. And the bare minimum kept me on my feet all day long, running from problem to problem. I felt stretched as thin as I could go.

So what do you do when you feel like a bad mom?

For me it’s like any other bad habit. If you fall off the wagon don’t beat yourself up.  Just get up, dust yourself off and get back on.

Today the older boys went to school. I let the laundry sit in the dryer in the morning and tickled tortured the babies instead. In the evening I sat and joked with Ben while he bathed instead of cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen. And I let Jack fix the printer ink, something he had been asking me to do but I know I could have done faster and with less anxiety. I also sat with him and discussed monster trucks, letting him make a bracelet of them on my arm instead of cleaning the toys in the basement.

And, in case I wasn’t sure I was doing a good job, I found a show called, ‘Extreme Moms’ and got a good dose of people with mom’s so inadequate they made a reality show about it.

This has been a crazy month for Adam. For some reason it seems like, whenever there is a holiday, Adam has a deal on. Today was no exception.

He woke up and left for work immediately.

When he returns, I’m not sure if will recognize his own house.

While I was folding laundry the twins decided to pull down all the books.

Then they took apart the tupperware drawer.

Next they tore this cupboard apart.

The older boys were not to be out done by the twins. If the twins ripped through the house like a hurricane, then the older boys were more like a tornado…

Jack and Ben pulled all their bedding and stuffed animals into the kitchen to make a huge ‘nest’.

Then Ben decided he wanted to dress in Jack’s clothes. So they ripped all Jack’s clothes out of their drawers looking for something red for Ben to wear…

Jack helps Ben get dressed in his own clothes.

While this was happening, the twins descended on the nest…

At this point I decide to check the time. It’s 9:30am.

Oh my, it’s going to be a long day…