The Photo Booth

The long and exhausting day on Saturday took a turn for the better around 5:30.

I had a pedicure at 5:30. I felt bad walking out of the house, leaving Adam and my mother with four kids. Adam already seemed at his limit with Ben’s new habit of hysterical fits for no reason. But there was only so much vanity I could give up for these kids. So I left. Walking out of the chaos of our house onto the street is a surreal experience. Every moment there is someone crying, a diaper to change, someone to get food for, or breast feed. Someone to bath, someone to dress, someone who needs a toy fixed, the TV turned on, a boo-boo kissed. Open and close a single door and … silence.

Hedy and Mark

After the relaxing pedicure our babysitter from last year, who recently moved back to town, arrived. Adam and I headed out to the Paris Club for our friend Hedy’s 40th birthday. They rented the private room and had a very cool, “ooh la la … oy vey” themed party. There was drinks, great food and a photo booth which we spent a lot of time playing in.

I feel like I’ve seen a lot of 40th birthday parties in the past few years. Few are great. One was more like a party for your 21st birthday. Another more like what you would do at your 60th. But this party was perfect. Hedy had the luck of good friends, a happy marriage, a lovely daughter and a progressive career. Her husband gave a speech praising her as a mother and also said she looks even hotter now than she did when they first met.

Sweet Mandy B's - Yum!

It was so nice to sit down and have food served to you. No one was crying for my attention. No one was fighting and needed refereeing. We had actual, uninterrupted adult conversation!

Friday night was another rough one. Adam was exhausted from waking up at 2am that morning to start work, and by 10:00pm we were still holding a baby each, trying to rock them to sleep so we could put them in the crib.

By 10:30pm I had mine in the crib but Adam, no luck. He suggested he just sleep with the baby on his chest as we used to do with Jack. But that would mean he would be woken shortly for another feed. I took the baby from him and said, “Go to sleep. No need for both of us to be up all night.”

And up all night I was. I fed one baby after the other from 12 to 1am. At 1:15 in the morning Ben ran out of the room looking for me and I took him back to his room and laid in his bed until 2:30am when one of the babies started to cry again. I was up feeding them both until 3:15am. At 5:30 in the morning they fed again and were up for the morning. Jack was up by 6:30am. I heard Ben again at 5:15 but Adam managed to get him to go back to sleep until 7:30.

We had a full day planned for Saturday. Eye appointment at 10am, Costco, kids birthday party from 1-3, pedicure at 5:30 so I would look presentable tonight, then the sitter was coming by at 6:30 to help my mother so Adam and I could go to our friend’s 40th birthday party which started at 7:30.

Adam's New Twin Carrier

I was hoping Ben’s sleep in would mean he would be in a better mood. Having twins has hit him hard. It doesn’t help that it coincides with the ‘terrible two’s”. Our sons must be late bloomers because the ‘terrible twos’ seem to start closer to age three. Lately he’s taking to flopping his body down anywhere and kicking and screaming in a full out tantrum for no reason at all. I mean, there is always a reason, but the response doesn’t match the reason. Like today at the party he was upset his juice spilled. He cried for over an hour on the floor at the birthday party. Kicking and screaming and throwing pizza. It was very embarrassing. Finally Adam took him to the car until the party was over.

I was hoping Ben would sleep but I arrived to the car to find 2 hungry babies and one screaming toddler. Jack and Adam walked across the street to Target to get diapers while I tandem fed the babies in the front seat of the car. A baby resting on each leg, one hand holding a blanket over me, while alternating flipping them over my shoulders and burping them. Ben cried the entire time.

Adam and Jack returned to the van bearing a gift for Ben. A huge icee! He promptly stuck his hand through the top, spilling it all over the car seat. Then he dumped it in his cup holder. Then he dunked his teddy bear in the cup holder.

Ugh. Can’t wait for the sitter to show up tonight. I would love to just go on a complete bender tonight, but I need the breast milk and I have no free time to recover.

Yesterday was not a bad day as far as sleep is concerned. And nowadays, it is my primary concern!

Most mornings I wake up for the morning around 6am, on the couch with two babies on top of me and the sound of Ben’s feet running down the hallway towards me.

Thursday morning I woke up to the sound of my mother’s footsteps around 6:15. She came and sat next to me, but I quickly passed off a baby to her and told her to go downstairs so I could sleep. Amazingly the back rooms of our house were quiet until 8am.

I was so pleased to think the boys finally slept in so Adam could get some rest. He still wakes most nights with Ben, and sometimes Jack, but no one has sympathy for him. He never gets any naps. If there is a nap time available, he always defers to me. Good man. Tired man.

Unfortunately for Adam, the pitter patter of feet I heard coming from the back room around 8am was two fully dressed boys sugared up from their early morning foray to Starbucks. They snuck out to give me some extra rest.

That coupled with my afternoon nap in the gym sleep room (I booked Ben from 2-4pm and Mom watched the twins) put me in a good mood for once.

Adam had a work dinner Thursday night so Mom treated the kids to McDonalds.

No cooking or dirty dishes plus sleep! What a great day!

Beautiful Day at the East Bank Club

It meant had the energy and time to run around with Jack and Ben playing hide and seek after dinner. I often suffer from guilt that, since the twins were born, I yell so much more at the kids than playing with them. But at the end of the day Thursday I fell asleep with a clear conscious. For about 45 minutes, then it was time to feed again. Ha ha ha!

So I tried it again Friday afternoon. I brought both kids to the play room at the gym then Adam joined us at the pool. Mom watched the twins. Again I was able to play uninterrupted  with the older kids while only missing one feed.

Japo watches the Twins

With both my mother and mother in law in tow Saturday afternoon we headed to Jack’s school carnival.

So many helpers meant I was actually able to have my hands free and chat to some of the other parents. Okay, I’m not sure I needed all the extra help, but it did assuage my guilt. While standing with a group of parents, I noticed Adam across the lawn, a baby strapped to his chest in a bjorn, with Ben on his shoulders while holding Jack’s hand for a carnival game.

Jack Plays all the Carnival Games

It was a perfect day, weather wise. Jack was having a blast. Both kids had napped that afternoon and were full of energy. Adam took them to the shoe store to get new shoes and Jack raced around the play ground showing everyone just how fast his new shoes were. Ben preferred to snack his way through the carnival – popcorn, hot dog, ice cream, cotton candy.

My mother said it reminded her of the days when we was in elementary school at Addison Mizner. They would have end of the year carnivals to celebrate. I don’t remember any of them, but you’ll bet I won’t forget taking my kids to their school carnivals. In some ways I think it’s more fun to watch your kids have fun then it ever was to actually have fun as a kid…

Bubbie joins us at the Carnival

Gina was in town for a conference this weekend and stopped by to visit Friday afternoon. I’ve known her since high school and we’ve managed to keep in touch via a 6-way email with a few of our other high school friends. This email group has the uninspired name of “The 6-Way Email Girls”.

Gina Visits

Email changed our lives. Because of it, we not only kept in touch, but we’ve gone on vacations together and kept up strong bonds of friendship.

All the woman in the group have an interesting background, and Gina is no different. She is a sarcoma (type of cancer) doctor. As of this month she is starting in a new private practice in Atlanta.

When she arrived her first words were, “Dude, I tell everyone about your story. If friends of mine want to have a third kid, I always say, be careful, listen to what happened to my friend Nikki.”

Wow, I’ve become a cautionary tale.

She came bearing many gifts for the kids. Expensive Lego sets for the older boys and cute onsies from the Disney store for the younger kids. Jack did an excellent job at putting together the Duplo set all on his own. It was a proud moment for me. Not sure why, he figured it out all on his own?!

It was so nice to see her. When it was time for her to go, she told me, “It’s exactly as I pictured it at your house, not better or worse. I just imagined my nephew’s Johnny and Joey at every age, all at once.”

I walked her to a cab and listened to her day. Travel to another city, a swim to train for her triathlon, then drinks and dinner with friends at a trendy restaurant. Sounded a lot like my life before kids. I felt a twinge of jealousy that all she had to do that day was look after herself.

But as I turned back to the insanity of my house, I reminded myself that this time is fleeting and it will be over before I know it. I have plenty of time in life for swimming, drinks and dinner, but only one time in life to raise kids.

Seems like when you have new born babies, people are full of advice on how you should handle it. They are sure you aren’t doing it right.

I found myself guilty of this myself at the dentist office the other day. The technician had a friend whose baby was cranky all day but slept well at night. I identified it as hunger, which is how Sam acted before I gave in and supplemented him with formula. Who knows if this new mother will appreciate my advice. I know if I got it when I had my first born I would be offended. No one could tell me the right was to raise Jack. I had read too many ‘expert’ books to listen to a layman.

Funny how things change. Now when people tell me how I need to change my mothering methods, I welcome the discussion. I no longer look at it as a personal affront, but rather helpful advice from friends.

My friend Lottie came by the other day and said I really need a night nurse. She suggested at least hiring one for a few weeks to help train the twins to sleep longer. Now why didn’t I think of that? It’s a great compromise. I don’t have to have a night nurse for months, I can do it during the stretch of time when I feel it’s right to sleep train, should that become necessary.

Another friend, Tami, suggested I get a night nurse for at least one night to get some sleep. Again, I’m open to the idea of getting someone in one or two nights a week to get some sleep. Perhaps it’s money better spent than trying to catch up on sleep during the day?

Either way, I decided to listen to Adam and everyone else’s advice and hire my summer helper for a few hours this morning so I could get some sleep. Everyone seemed very happy about this except for Jack. He was going to miss playing with her, he had school. Even Ben waved me off without a second thought as soon as Kristen arrived!

There was no way I would be able to sleep in the house with so many people around, so I drove to the gym to lay down in the sleep room. Yes, our gym has a sleep room.

Adam hitched a ride with me and on the way there I told him how I didn’t feel tired at all. It’s incredible how many nights you can go without sleep and run on fumes alone. I was only going to the gym to sleep because everyone else in my life is insisting on it.

I told him how upsetting it was for me to leave Kristen to play with Ben. That should be me playing with Ben. I didn’t want to miss the joy of wrestling with him and giving him the tickle torture.

In fact, if there was one part of this exhausting experience that I could pass to someone else it would be sleep. If only I could hire Kristen to sleep for me?

In the end I fell asleep instantly and woke with the feeling that it was the middle of the night.  I realized I am tired, but I’m in the thick of it and it’s hard to identify and all to easy to ignore.