The boys were very happy to celebrate their first night of Hanukkah tonight.

Because this year Hanukkah falls on Thanksgiving, Jack is very lucky to have a full FIVE day weekend to start Hanukkah. That’s tons of days at home with brand new toys. I guess you’ve heard by now they are calling Thanksgivikah.

Adam is very unlucky to have 2 deals closing right now and will probably have to work through most of the time off his firm gives this time of year.

Tonight we lit the first candle and bumbled through the prayer. Adam is the only one who has enough memory power to remember it from the previous year.

Then it was time for toys and a little dinner.

We healthed up the potato latkes this year, substituting with zucchini fritters. Then we unhealthed it back with Swedish Meatballs. But I did use grass fed beef, so it doesn’t really count, does it?

Hope everyone reading this has a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! And a happy Thanksgivikah!

Ah, Hanukkah time again.

This is the first year that we included the twins in the gift giving.

Sort of.

Okay, OKAY, I’ll admit it! We just wrapped up a bunch of old toys they haven’t seen before.

Still, it was the first year we had to organize 8 days of presents for 4 kids. That is a minimum of 32 presents to wrap!

And you know who I married, right? So how many presents did you think we had to wrap this year? Yes, it was way, Way, WAY more than 32.

With this many kids the wrapping, labeling and deciding which days they toys were to be given made me feel like a Jewish elf.

Most days Adam and I walk around with four kids and get a lot of stares, comments, shared stories and advice. I’m used to the spectacle. But sometimes something new happens that makes us realize just what an undertaking we have gotten ourselves into. This Hanukkah production was one of them.

First we had to lay the toys out in four rows, one for each kid.

Next, two hours of wrapping. We labeled each gift by kid’s name, contents (no one can read yet, so it’s not a spoiler), and day it should be given.

Finally, we put them into bags based on the day we planned to give it.

Then, exhausted but relieved to have sorted it all out, Adam and I went to bed.

Bring it on Hanukkah. We’ve ready.

Last night we took Jack out to dinner to celebrate his report card. He received 7 As, 2 Bs, and 1 C. We had to wait the puke fest out, but besides the fact that Sam was still a bit cranky, we finally felt like everyone could handle it.

Jack chose sushi. We like to go to Shine Restaurant. Once you start dining regularly with 6 people, you always get the same seat in a restaurant. The one reserved for large parties. At Shine, that is right next to the sushi bar. It’s perfect! The kids can watch them make sushi while we wait.

We got our food and before Ben had really eaten anything he started crying and running away from the table. Adam jumped up and caught him. He picked him up close to the hostesses stand. As he did, Ben threw up everywhere.

Adam quickly brought him to the bathroom to clean up. A fellow woman diner came running over and asked if I saw what happened.

“Yes.” I said calmly. Then I stuffed another piece of sushi in my mouth.

“Well, do you want to go help him?” She looked at me, incredulous.

I took a sip of my drink. “I have three other kids sitting here. What do you suggest I do with them?”

Then she sort of stared at me, paused, then said without conviction, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

I think she realized at that point that I was not going to leave my kids with a stranger, and bringing them into the bathroom while Adam was helping Ben would only exasperate the situation. At least I hope that’s what she thought.

I, on the other hand, was thinking I’d better finish this nice bottle of sake my husband bought me before I was rushed out of there.

After the week I’ve had, seeing one of my kids puke can no longer put me in a state of panic. It almost seems normal.

You are probably thinking that I am desensitized to my kids pain. In fact it’s the opposite. I spend every waking moment thinking about what it’s like to be in their little shoes. How to help them when they can’t help themselves, how to to teach them, comfort them, keep them happy, and healthy.

I spend so much time in other peoples shoes that I can’t watch anything on TV normally anymore. While watching the USC Stanford game with Adam last night, Adam was complaining that one of the players missed a pass. I answered something about how difficult it looked and how he was probably trying his hardest. I can’t watch anything violent on TV because I’m too empathetic.

So it’s not that I didn’t feel bad for Ben or want to help, it’s that with so many kids around, Ben  is only 1/4 of the people I need to think about right now. And the other 3/4s were eating nicely.

You see, having all these kids has given us a new norm. You can’t just walk around thinking about yourself, even for one second. Even if you stay at home, in your jammies all day, you are still spending every moment trying to do chores and cook dinner while tending to the kids at the same time. Calling it multi-tasking would be a trivialization.

Doing the Laundry. (One handed and no Legged.)

How you run errands with 4 kids. (Push with one hand, pull with the other. And bribe with donuts.)

Adam with Ben around 2am.

The last two days has been a complete puke fest in our house. I have been covered in throw up, snot, spit and poop.

It started a couple days ago when Ben came out of the bathroom exclaiming that his “poop came out wrong.”

To his credit he tried to clean it up, but he ended up just smearing it everywhere. Later that evening, he came upstairs and puked all over the kitchen floor. Luckily I had an empty, dirty bowl that I had just used to mix something that I moved under his mouth which caught the worst of it.

He was up all night long. Adam, bless his soul, is the parent who has the patience and stamina to stay up with the kids all night when they are sick. It’s one of the many great characteristics that Adam has, one that you will never know a partner possesses when choosing a spouse.

Soon after Ben, Aaron started upchucking. Sam held a fever for two days but never vomited. Then finally, after the long four day weekend, when Jack was suppose to go back to school, he woke up that morning and barfed all over the back room.

We spent the days in our jammies, playing on electronics, watching TV, or playing together with toys. Surprisingly, or maybe because they were all too sick to fight, everyone got along well.

Movies at 9:30 in the morning.

Twins fell asleep in odd places at odd times, but there was nothing you could do. When they were tired they refused to lay down to go to sleep.

Adam came home a few weeks ago after working out with his friend Steve. They had been lifting together since high school and they still got together after all these years and did the same routine.

“How was your work out?” I asked.

“Great!” Adam answered. “We checked out the new performance center.”

“Yeah, what did you do there?” I asked. I saw the new center, it has a fake astroturf field and lots of apparatuses that looked confusing and intimidating.

“We flipped tires, then we put a weighted sleigh on and dragged it around.” Adam told me.

“Sounds like farm work. How much are you paying the gym to do farm work?” I joked.

The next few weeks Adam kept going back for more. “I think I’m addicted to tire flipping.” He told me.

Finally this morning, after taking the boys swimming in the club, we dropped them off at the day care for a quick work out. Tire flipping.

After all the hype, I had to try it for myself.

We flipped tires, we did the monkey bars, we tried the Versa Climber, Battling Ropes, we threw a medicine ball back and forth and finally we did sprints.

It was the first time in a long time that I didn’t feel like I was dragging myself to the gym and pushing myself through every second of my workout. Instead of the thoughts in my head saying, “just do this for 5 more minutes” I heard, “if only we had 5 more minutes.”

A set routine gets stale day after day. This was a sort of free flowing, explosive work out that had us out of breath and giggling. It felt sort of like what it was like to be a kid again, when you are running as fast as you can with your buddy chasing you. It wasn’t exercise, it was a game.

I left that morning feeling jittery and alert. The work out had not only worked my body, but it had activated my adrenaline too.

So now, I think I’m addicted to tire flipping.

It’s been about two weeks since we’ve pulled Ben out of school. He has become a part of the daily routine that the twins and I share.

He goes to the gym with us in the mornings. Two of the days he takes a class, which he loves. It’s taught by a woman who is majoring in special education, so she never sees Ben’s behavior as difficult, just different. The other days he stays with the other kids in the play room. It’s for a much shorter time than a school day, and there is no instruction. Just a snack and story time. He’s had his good days and bad days there, but most of the staff is absolutely incredible with him. One woman told me she didn’t believe in punishment, that’s he’s a kid and you just have to repeat yourself again and again until he understands. Another woman told me about The Tangle. It worked for another touchy kid they had at the gym. I ordered 2 the next day.

At home with the twins and I, Ben has already drastically improved his demeanor. Just today, the twins were bothering him, he walked away and came to tell me about it. Two weeks ago he would have pushed and shoved them.

We have also noticed that Jack has been a negative influence on Ben. He will do things to get him in trouble, then tell on him. Often he will touch him, then when Ben retaliates, he’ll tell on Ben. When I finally figured out it was Jack, I started to reprimand him instead of Ben. Ben in turn protects Jack every time, saying, “It’s okay, he didn’t bother me.”

Two nights ago after Sam pooped in the tub, Jack thought it would be funny for Ben to jump into the tub before I had a chance to clean it. He egged Ben on and when Ben was naked and about to step in, he ran out trying to get him in trouble. It took all my strength at that moment NOT to throw Jack in the poopy tub instead. Rather than that, I told him no more desserts or electronics until I saw him display three acts of kindness towards Ben.

When the twins nap, Ben and I hang out downstairs playing video games, watching TV or playing with toys. I have given up my precious nap time, any free time to cook dinner or fold laundry undisturbed, but it’s completely worth it. Having some one-on-one interaction goes a long way with Ben. I’ve noticed he is showing a real interest in reading and spelling, so I’ve been encouraging that.

When Learning to Spell, does the Subject Matter?

Finally it’s time to pick up his beloved Jack. I’ve been watching them a lot closer and protecting Ben a lot more from the other family members and I think that and the extra attention is helping.

It’s early days, and I know for every step forward sometimes there are two steps back afterwards. Just this evening after an almost perfect day, he decided for no reason at all to attack a friend who was just sitting there nicely with some play pliers.

Still, I’m hopeful. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

This year was the first time it rained for Halloween. Luckily, it was unusually warm, so it did not deter the boys from collecting heaps of candy…

Jack with one of his favorite treats.

How did Ben get so much more candy than Jack?

But these are the day after pictures. How did the day of start?

The eyes and mouth move and sing “Thriller” and “This is Halloween”.

We woke up and started setting up for our annual Halloween party. We emptied out the back room and put a giant inflatable pumpkin that lights up and sings. Then we added tons of blow up halloween beach balls all around it. It looked supercool and all the kids came in wearing their superhero outfits and swords ready to battle it. I was impressed the pumpkin held it’s own and was still in working order by the end of the party.

I swear I took a picture of it but it’s not on my camera anywhere. As I’m writing this, it is already taken down. I’m kicking myself. In fact, I did a very poor job the entire Halloween party taking pictures of anything. In past years I’ve taken pictures of all the kids, made a slide show of all the previous years and played it on the computer. I guess it didn’t matter though since all the boys gathered around the computer and played games for most of the party. I think getting a gaming system soon is an inevitable fact.

After setting up some of the party we headed over to Jack’s school to see his Halloween parade…

Ben joins the parade

Jack’s 1st grade class.

We spent the rest of the day getting set up for the party and managed to finish mostly in time.

Bagel sandwiches from NY Bagel, egg salad, pasta salad, home made sushi, mummy dogs, shrimp cocktail and a veggie platter.

People came bearing wine and desserts. Cindy made her famous cookie cake and my friend Katie brought these scary treats…

My mom was here this year helping out. She even dressed the part…

Many others had such great costumes, I’m sad that I didn’t take more pictures for you. I did manage to get one of Hedy and Mark. I love it when the family does a group theme…

The bear and the eskimo.

We have an unusually large lost and found this year. Angus, your mask is here and when I snapped this Jack and Ben were playing with your swords, but we found those too. If anyone else sees this and wants to claim their stuff, let me know…

Not pictured: Black Cat tail and one gold stud earring.

Street Performer

Halloween is officially here people! And we are taking full advantage.

This year we decided to check out trick or treating on Clark Street. Most of the neighborhoods in Chicago have trick or treating the weekend before Halloween.

Compared to our local weekend trick or treating, I’ve got to give this event top ratings. There are places to trick or treat from Armitage to Diversey, a much larger area then our neighborhood. Also, they have street performers everywhere and bouncy houses all round. We didn’t get to the costume contest or see the live entertainment but even without it the kids had a blast!

Ben ended up eating so much candy that we had to remind him of the time he went apple picking and ate so many apples he threw up. I think candy must agree more with him because he managed to keep it and his dinner down just fine.

Twins first trick or treat.

Jack as Spiderman and Ben as The Hulk/Ironman.

We ran into lots of friends, here are the Lafayettes…

And this is just the start of our Halloween week!

We also did the trick or treating on Armitage this weekend. More candy. And seeing more friends.

Jack is Spiderman again, Ben picks Wolverine this time.

The Stones

Next week we have a halloween party at the club, and Jack’s school halloween parade and party to look forward to.

And let’s not forget, the big event. Halloween!

His first day of school. Who knew it would end up like this that day?

As unfathomable as that title is, it’s true. Ben has managed to get pushed out of another pre-school.

It happened in a very similar way as it did last year, with the teachers daily complaints about his behavior, and many parent teacher meetings.

It took me longer to recognized the signs, since 2 out of 3 of his teachers last year were the same ones who used to greet me every day after school with another funny Benism.

This year, they couldn’t find the humor.

It started with me receiving the same survey I was given at his last pre-school. It was not my first time to the rodeo, so I knew what it meant. This time I wasn’t going to make the mistake of signing any piece of paper that might get my kid a record that was going to follow him for the next 16 years.

Luckily I was much more familiar with these teachers. I was able to ask, point blank, where were they were going with this and could we cut to the chase?

It was suggested we get a behavioral therapist. I called one right away. We would pay for it, but we did not want these observations on his record. We were worried he would be pigeon holed if he got a bad report. However, after hearing his first observation, I kind of think we should add it now.

On Monday she observed. On Wednesday we heard back. It was surprising after hearing so many complaints about Ben for so long that the therapist did not point the finger at Ben, but in fact pointed it the other way completely.

It made me realize that when a small child misbehaves, it is our job as adults to figure out the best way to get through to him. Ben does not respond to normal cues and commands. It is our job to change, not his. If we change the way we relate to him, we have a better chance of getting him to understand and therefore behave.

Later, when I told his teacher we were leaving, she explained to me that she purposely was less attentive to Ben then usual during the observation so the therapist we hired would be able to see his behavior problems a bit more clearly. I’m not sure if that made it better or worse. A lot of the comments from the therapist hinted that being more attentive would have helped. But if Ben still doesn’t conform even when the teachers are more attentive, then I’m not sure what the solution is.

I still believe Ben’s teachers are very good, but I just don’t think they have the understanding or skills to deal with him. And he can be a handful. He definitely is more work than any of my other children. But he is also the one with the funniest sense of humor, and the biggest joie de vivre.

So this morning I found myself standing before this woman that I had trusted with one or another of my kids for over 3 years now. Having to pull the plug like this felt like I was going through a divorce. We were both crying.

My little snuggler.

After realizing the adults were to blame, I wondered how much of it is my fault? I’m the kind of mother who, when I see Ben has gnawed the straws off all his water bottles, instead of scolding him I buy camelbak water bottles, which where made to be bitten. Last night when he was crying because Jack got out of the tub first and he didn’t want to be the last one out, instead of yanking him out or yelling, I rolled my pants up, then stood in the tub and let him get out first so he wasn’t the last one. Then we had a giggle about it. Almost everything we do at home has a choice. Bath now or in five minutes? This top or the other one?

I don’t think our system at home of independent play, lots of choices, and out of the box nurturing is helping all these teachers we are sending him to. We either need a very nurturing, high energy pre-school or we need to stop trying to push him into something he’s not ready or capable of conforming to.

For a while we were asking his teachers if he was good or bad that day and punishing or rewarding him accordingly. They were mostly all bad days, with a few good in between.

How can you stay angry at a face like this?

About a month ago on the playground after school I hugged him on the playground. I told him I loved him. He asked, “Do you only love me when I’m good?”

I wanted to cry. “No Ben, I love you unconditionally. I love you when you are good or bad.”

I stopped asking if he was good or bad. He was starting to believe he was a bad person. That can become a self fulfilling prophesy.

So we have officially pulled him out of school. It wasn’t a fit this year, for either side. For a while I thought we would have the therapist work with the school but it seems silly for us to pay all this money to educate an entire group of teachers who may or may not even catch on or be willing to change.

We will research new schools. Or maybe just some ad hoc classes. We will most likely continue to work with the therapist. But I told Adam already unless we find something brilliant that he absolutely loves, I’m happy to just wait until kindergarden. Hopefully he will have matured enough by then to tolerate it.