Happy Mother’s Day to everyone reading this who is a mother! I hope you had a wonderful day.

Ours was jammed packed, as usual. We started the morning with presents for me…

Here were all the gifts. I loved them all! Chocolate, money, gift cards and especially the stuff the school had the older kids do for me…

Jack made a figure in my likeness and added a poem to it. Can you tell it’s me? The poem read:

Lover of Jack, Sam, Satam (think he meant Adam), Aaron and Ben.

Who wonders if I had a good day at school. (I ask him this every day, much to his annoyance.)

Who knows a lot about math, cooking and reading.

Who fears a lion, a shark, and a cobra.

Who is able to read lots book, take good pictures and cook for us.

Who dreams of going somewhere nice.

Who is the groutest Mom on the planet.

Ben’s page had a handprint made into a flower and another page with a heart full of different colored fingerprints. The words underneath read:

Mom, you always clean the fingerprints I leave upon the wall. I seem to make a mess of things because I am so small. The years will pass so quickly I’ll soon be grown like you and all my little fingerprints will surely fade from view. So here’s a special fingerprint a memory that is true. So you’ll recall the very day I made it just for you!

So sweet! What a great way to wake up!

Next I made everyone pile into the car and check out our friend Tami’s new place, The Goddess and the Baker. The kids loved the egg sandwiches, chocolate croissants and blueberry muffins. Adam and I thoroughly enjoyed the steel cut oats.

Next we ran back to the car. I know I’ve said it before but it’s non stop running or wrestling with this family. All day. Every day.

Run, run, run!

After the run back to the car we hung out at the house. What did we do? We wrestled.

And wrestled more. I’m under there somewhere…

Later the twins napped, the older boys watched a movie with Adam. I went for a foot massage and some shopping therapy. It was a very nice two hours that I never would have taken for myself on a normal Sunday while some or any of the kids were awake.

Then, as if that wasn’t enough spoiling, Adam took us out to the Burger Bar for dinner.

I don’t know why I love this place. I don’t really even like meat. I always get the veggie burger! But it somehow suits our family. It’s loud and the food is quick, but not so quick that I don’t have time to finish a glass of pinot noir. Or two glasses, if the kids behave or I’m particularly stressed from all the wrestling and running. They have a great selection of milk shakes (the kids got the malted milkball shake tonight) and yummy sweet potato tots for a change. And we can walk there.

And no one looks at us funny when we start wrestling on the floor of the restaurant, again.

And when it was all over we ran, not walked, home. Of course.

Even though I felt bad saddling Adam with most of the kid responsibility today (I know from experience it’s almost physically impossible to do it by yourself for any period of time), after today I felt like – may this crazy paced, unconventional life never end. It may be out of control, full of crying, fighting, wrestling and running but at least it’s never boring.

So the other thing I couldn’t blog about that has been occupying a lot of time lately is Ben’s problems at school.

It’s been a long year of back and forth with the school – discussions, early picks ups, suspensions, and meetings.

Adam asked me not to blog about it until it was settled, and I’m glad he did because along the way there was a lot on anger, frustration and confusion.

But now that we’ve found a resolution, I will sum it up for you.

Ben’s school was given the impossible task of telling us our son didn’t fit in.

And we were given the impossible task of receiving that information.

It’s been 3 years of schooling for Ben and none of it has gone well for him. So far we haven’t found a single place where people understand his needs and can accommodate them.

It’s a very confusing time for us as parents. Because I feel like whatever it is that makes Ben a nonconformist is something that wasn’t always there. The signs didn’t surface until he was about 3 years old.

Normal birth, no excessive ear infections or other sicknesses, no allergies, no head trauma. There was no indication earlier in his life that we would one day be here.

And when that happens, it’s really hard to believe.

At first you deny. You try to make him fit. You beg, you plead, you reason, you reward, you punish. But nothing works.

Next come the doctors. So many doctors! Psychologist, pediatrician, neurologist, allergist. And therapists! Behavioral therapists, occupational therapist, psychotherapists.

When we got the diagnosis of Sensory Processing, it was a relief.

Finally we have identified the problem, now we can find the cure!

But not every problem can be fixed overnight, and some, sadly, never get fixed.

I’ve googled the crap out of this disorder and I’ve read that 90-95% of kids either learn to deal with it or it disappears, I’ve read other articles saying it’s not real, and other stories of people eliminating food and eradicating it. I’ve also read even more articles saying kids don’t outgrow it but can learn to cope with proper therapy. Other articles say they may not learn to cope even with therapy.

Around December of this year the Office of Diverse Learners met with us at school and suggested alternative placement for Ben.

No matter how softly someone breaks that sort of news to you, it still hurts. Hits you like a fist in the stomach.

Even when you can see something is clearly not working, you still don’t want to admit it or take the leap out of the mainstream. Alternative schooling in some ways feels like you are giving up on your kids.

But still we took the suggestions, we kept our options open. We called schools, we got babysitters for the twins and went on tours. And we saw how different kids in alternative placement, or therapeutic day schools, really are.

Some schools cater to autistic kids, some for trauma, some for behavior disorders. One school we visited told us they have celebrations for successful potty training. That school’s youngest grade was kindergarden. Another school showed us Ben’s would be classroom and there was a kid grunting non-stop in the back of the room.

We noted that Ben didn’t look like most of them, and didn’t act like most of them, and we wondered once again how we had gotten here.

In some ways I felt like I was going through the process of grief and all it’s stages. There is a lot of denial, anger, and tears. Perhaps I was grieving something … I was grieving the death of the vision I had of having a conventional child.

After the initial shock of it all, we finally found a therapeutic school that seemed to fit the criteria we had in our minds for Ben.  It uses the same books as his current school, has a good focus on academic achievement, the right kinds of therapy, the kids seemed very similar to Ben and most importantly, they have a high rate of rehabilitation.

We sent in the paperwork and luckily, they accepted us. In fact they actively made room for Ben, moving kids around in order to let him start as quickly as possible.

This past week has been an emotional one. Even though it didn’t work out at his current school, he still has made a lot of friendships there, especially with the staff. It will be difficult for him to leave them. I was sad all week as I watched him and his three brothers playing in the playground after school together. All that family togetherness after school, the giddiness the twins feel finally seeing their brothers again, the glee they have running to the school playground together, will mostly end when he goes somewhere else. And the comfort he feels knowing Jack is in the same school with him, looking out for him and protecting him.

Ben’s Last Day of School.

His kindergarden teacher very kindly offered to celebrate Ben’s birthday early so his last day of school was a happy one, filled with cards from classmates, presents and birthday treats.

It was also a sad one, as he said good bye to so many people that became close with him over the year.

Hugging his one-on-one aide good bye, she had tears in her eyes.

Another hug for the security guard who has taken him under his wing.

And the very next day, today, he started at the new school. Let’s hope we’ve finally found the right fit.

Sam and Aaron turned three today. It’s been another big year, as all the toddler years are.

I’ve so enjoyed our mornings alone together. Not that there isn’t something special about having the whole family together, but just having the twins in the morning gives me some time to spend with them individuallyish.

Having twins is great because you never need to book playdates. They constantly have someone here ready to play. So most mornings we don’t plan at all. We just pack water and lunch, walk out the door and see where it leads us.

And because we don’t do many playdates, they mostly just play with their brothers. They don’t go to class or school so a party seemed unnecessary.

This year the twins started to be able to play with the older boys and each other in earnest. Lots of executive function. It’s adorable to see how each child has formed it’s own special and different relationship with each other.

Aaron continues to be the daredevil. He is also the most easy going – of all of the kids, not just the twins. This is not to say he never cries, but he handles disappointment and change with ease. Also, he’s very sweet. When Sam is crying for something, Aaron runs and fetches it. And he does it all while brandishing a stick (when outside) or a chopstick (inside).

Sam is more cautious, more demanding, more articulate. He is more social, often seeking Aaron out and also more open to the games the older boys suggest. He likes to have things a certain way and will blow a gasket if he doesn’t get his way, even if he forgot to tell you how he wanted it in the first place. But man, is he clever. He just gets it. He throws balls instinctively and picks up toys and plays with them just how the inventor intended. And for the past month he’s done it all in his “Hulk Smash” costume. And when you see him in it, please remember to call him Hulk Smash if you expect to get a response.

This morning we bought the doughnut that Aaron wanted last time we went to the doughnut store but I refused…

Next we planned a morning out at Chicago Botanical Gardens.

We wanted to check out a new section of the garden and on the way we found these huge piles of dirt. HUGE PILES OF DIRT! That’s just awesome. That’s more amazing than all the gorgeous flowers and landscaping! Hours of entertainment people. Hours.

Next Adam took us all out for some lunch and then it was time for the twins to pick out their toys from the toy store.

I’ve never seen this before but Geoffrey the Giraffe was there. These sort of live mascots or characters always freaked me out as a kid. I remember as a little girl running scared at Chuck y Cheese every time I went, but Ben loves them. We could barely tear the kids away. Hello! We are in a TOY STORE kids!

When the manager found out it was the twins birthday they gave them crowns and balloons. It was a really cool thing to do.

Afterwards everyone was tired and so we let them eat dinner in front of the TV for a special treat.

I meant to make the twins a great train cake from a mold I borrowed from my friend Carrie, but last night Adam and I went to our friend’s son’s bar mitzvah and shamelessly took TWO take home boxes from the dessert buffet.

Mazel Tov Robert and thanks for the treats!

The tradition continues, even though it was two weeks late this year and we were down on numbers.

As we get along in the years seems like we are all busier and it’s harder to find a time we can all have free together. Even the husbands were down in number this year, most of them working and the one that did manage to show up did so, but was planning on going to work later that day.

We still managed a pack of 13 kids. (Topper and Keller missing). Thirteen boys, actually. ALL BOYS!

And yes, Hulk and Lightning are still around. As Adam said, it’s going to have to get to 90° before they willingly drop those costumes.

Despite the prediction of 90% chance of rain, it was a gorgeous day for an egg hunt.

And despite my nerves and losing a kid or two in this large park by myself, nothing bad happened and I’m happy to say they are all home safe with me now.

Sorting the Spoils.

Another successful year! Thanks for organizing Pam!

The Hulk and Lightning McQueen sightings have continued throughout the city this week.

On Random City Streets.

Showing off their balancing abilities.

At Supera Park.

Waving to tourists boats on the Chicago River.

At School Pick Up.

At Montgomery Ward Park

At their Father’s New Office.

I hope everyone feels safe, or if not, they know they have a fast get away car driver nearby…

This morning we decided to brave the crowds and check out the new Maggie Daley Park.

It’s amazing, people. So unusual!

Yes, you saw that right. Lightning McQueen, the famous race car driver and The Hulk came with us.

We got here just in time to try these swings without a wait. Thirty minutes later there was a line 10 people long to try them.

Some of the slides were a bit too big and fast for the little ones, Aaron ended up bumping his head on this one but it was perfect for Jack and Ben. Sam was too scared to give it a go.

More appropriate slides for the twins.

We only saw the playground, but there is so much more to this place!

The rock climbing wall was not open yet.

Even though it was a really cool new place, the kids actually spent the most time we were there foraging for rocks and sticks. And wrestling, no matter where we go they are either running full blast or on the ground wrestling each other.

We also got a glimpse at the Skating Ribbon, instead of a normal rink there is a ribbon that you can skate around the park.

I’ve heard they are also planning a restaurant, The Green at Grant Park.

There were lots of picnic benches and places to sit. I’ve also read that “there will also be an “Enchanted Forest” with a mirrored maze and kaleidoscope, a harbor-like play apparatus for toddlers, and a bevy of slides including spiral, wide and rail. Event spaces will open up, too.”

I can’t wait for summer, it’s one of those parks that I can take ALL my kids to and they will enjoy it.

How is everyone’s Spring Break going?

I keep seeing all these photos from sunny destinations, cruises, beaches on facebook. And I must say, in hindsight, that was a smart decision. Traveling to different cities every night and checking into different hotels, lugging bags up and down, packing and repacking is tough with 4 small kids.

Optimistic at the start of the drive.

Adam, trying to appeal to my hunger for spending time with my friends and family, offered to drive us down to North Carolina for the week to see my sister and friend Jennie. It also had the added bonus of satisfying Adam’s wish to road trip with his family.

Now that I have kids, I practice a little mediation before every holiday. I mentally prepare myself by saying – Vacation is not about you anymore. Your vacation time happens at nap time. Vacation is not about you anymore.

But even as I said this I was very excited to see Lara and Jennie! And Adam was excited to see his buddy in Kentucky.

How did it go, you ask? Let’s put it this way, on the first day I lost my sunglasses and I spent many hours, many, many hours on the trip wishing I had them only to find them when we got back to Chicago and unpacked everything. The whole trip I was missing them terribly and because I didn’t have them everything seemed a bit off. Which was kind of how I felt the entire trip.

One of our tactics was to stop each day that we were on the road at a park to let the boys out to release pent up energy. But surprisingly the boys didn’t mind sitting in the car for long hours eating snacks and watching new movies. In fact, getting them into the parks was sometimes a struggle!

Outside of Indianapolis.

In Lexington.

And there were many other stops as well. Our first night we stopped in Louisville, Kentucky. Adam’s buddy from high school, Dave Greenlee, lives there.

They were very hospitable and they seemed so happy to see our brood of offspring. There were in a completely different place, kids in college and nearing the end of high school. They were already on a new venture – moving to the bahamas to build a house. That kind of freedom seems unfathomable right now, but it is only 15 years away if you compare our youngest kid to theirs.

We wanted to take advantage of the hotel pool in Kentucky but we ran out of time after breakfast so the next day we packed up and headed to Lara’s.

It was so nice to see her! The kids loved all the extra attention too.

They hated all the bugs and lack of internet connection in the country, though. We are raising a serious bunch of city kids! Jack almost refused to feed the donkey he was so scared. But he overcame it in the end, which pleased me greatly.

We spent two full days there and everything was a bit off. The first day we walked Main St and took the boys to the candy store. It rained on us the whole time.

Mast General Store.

The next day we decided to go to the gym pool in Lara’s town, it has a zero depth entry and some fun stuff for the kids. After packing up all the swim clothes, floaties and toys we got there to find out it was closed until 1pm.

So we decided to hike. After all we were in North Carolina! Lara pointed us to the closest hike and we drove there. Our sunny day turned into fog and got colder and colder as we headed up the mountain. I didn’t bring jackets, thinking we were swimming. When we got to the hiking spot, the view looked like this…

The picture in front was the only way we knew there was a great view there! Still we hiked it.

It tired the boys out considerably. On the ride to my friend Jennie’s house, the car was silent.

Nothing like having your kids take a late nap right before dinner, right? That always ends well! In fact, Sam started a schedule of napping around 5pm then waking up and crying hysterically for hours. He did that for our dinner at Jennie’s house.

Lara, me and Jennie.

Jennie and her husband Nathan have a really cool yard and beautiful house that make for great entertaining.

Jack and one of Jennie’s sons on the trampoline.

After spending some time with Lara and Jennie I actually felt quite depressed. I know in Chicago I hardly see anyone anymore, adult conversation is hard to come by and when it does I sit there out of practice and ideas. Besides kid conversations I don’t have much to say these days. I don’t have time to read interesting books, catch up with news, see local exhibits or movies, exercise, have hobbies or do anything people might talk about in normal adult conversation.

All my conversations with Jennie and Lara were interrupted. Questions I wanted to ask never were voiced. Sadly I had a better text conversation with Jennie the day after seeing her then I did at her house. All my friends and family with older kids say this time goes quickly so hopefully they will all be waiting for me at the end of this part of my life’s journey!

And still we soldiered on. We spent the next day in Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, TN. Yes, Dollywood. Dolly Parton has her own theme park. Again we bit off more than we could chew. We had four kids with different ideas of what we should do and only two adults. Jack wanted the thrilling roller coasters, Ben was scared to ride anything, even stuff the twins wanted to do, and the twins didn’t understand the concept of waiting in line for your turn to ride.

Luckily Lara and Brandy showed up and took Jack on some of the roller coasters. I told them he has no fear and no height restrictions.

They returned him 3 rides later because he wouldn’t do the more daring rides. He had ripped the roller coaster out of his map of the ride he did ride, it was too scary to enjoy even in hindsight.

In the meantime we took the other kids to a small playground in the park. We realized none of them cared at all about being in a theme park and we could have just found a beach or pool and just camped out there for a week.

That night we checked into the Hilton Garden Inn Gatlinburg. The boys got room service, one of their favorite traveling perks (mine too!) and were able to eat in front of the TV. A real treat! The next morning while Adam worked I took the boys up to the pool, finally.

Another great perk was that this trip I graduated to the mom who sat on the sidelines of the pool instead of going in. Having four boys means someone always has a friend to play with! It only took eight years…

That day we drove back to Indianapolis and stayed at the Downtown Indianapolis Hilton, two blocks from Adam’s office. The next morning we took full advantage of the pool again while he was working.

A few weeks before we left we realized that Adam would have two deals in the pipeline over our road trip, and when we were traveling a third one came in. Adam every afternoon or morning missing out on the family time while he headed down the mountain to connect with the world, if were were in the car he would get us to dinner then hole up in the car and work, or even stop on roadsides to have calls.

We got back last night and had the first night of sleep in a week that didn’t include one or more kids waking us up. It was heavenly.

Next year I’m thinking a staycation might be in order…

Last weekend we went to check out the new exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry – Numbers in Nature.

Watching four small boys in a crowded, 400,000 square foot building is a formidable feat alone, but add a mirror maze and watch as Adam and I have a heart attack thinking we are losing our kids at every turn!

The kids had an absolute blast inside, except for Aaron who kept running into the walls. I understand it was completely confusing, I couldn’t tell who the real Jack plenty of times. Aaron buddy I get it, it’s hard to tell where the real path is. But what I don’t understand is why you didn’t try to avoid the life sized other Aaron walking right towards you?

Last night we were invited to a Spring Launch Party for one of the roof top venues in Wrigleyville. For those of you not from Chicago, or from Chicago but not that versed in the world of Cubs Baseball, the roof top venues in Chicago are a unique experience.

Owners of houses with views into Wrigley Stadium eventually realized that they could use their rooftops to make money. An unusual business venture was born. Soon all the houses surrounding Wrigley had their rooftops kitted with bleacher seats and lower levels with bars and food service below. It was an fun, different way to book parties.

I’m embarrassed to admit that after over 10 years of living here, I’ve never visited a single roof top. Adam has been to every single one. I was amazed to see just how incredible the views were. Not just of the baseball field, but of the city as well.

I’m also embarrassed to admit that I had no idea what was going on with the roof tops right now. Having four kids does not help keep me up to date on local news.

I’m not sure if you can see in the picture above, but Wrigley is building some large billboards that will block some of the rooftop view completely. I spent a lot of time asking people at the launch party about it, and at some point I realized I was completely sticking my foot in my mouth.

That this has been a struggle that has been going on for some time between the rooftop owners and Wrigley. There were squabbles over whether or not roof tops should pay royalties to Wrigley. Some say Wrigley is ruining a landmark, others argue the renovations will improve revenue and therefore the team. It’s a big mess, and I can see pros and cons for both sides.

Which is what made last night so awkward. It was like meeting a B rated actor for the first time and slowly, through conversation, realizing they are in a the midst of a painful divorce.

After all that foot in the mouth, I still wasn’t sure who was right or wrong, and probably much like a divorce, both parties are right. And wrong.

Either way, losing the one of a kind experience that roof tops provide will be a real shame.

In one week we went from piles of snow higher than our heads to short sleeve shirts.

It was a dramatic change and it effected us all dramatically, in our own ways.

Every morning the twins and I walked the neighborhood enjoying the changes.

Monday we were so happy to be outside and in the sunshine that we never even made it to a park to play. Leftover snow on the sidewalk was fun enough for the morning.

By Wednesday all that leftover snow had melted into huge puddles everywhere, making for another kind of exciting adventure. A very wet and muddy one!

By Friday I had gotten smarter. We visited Montgomery Ward Park, a park with soft surface, no sand, and built high on a hillside – all leftover snow would have melted away and run off. Also by Friday we were out jacket free.

Saturday we dusted off and pumped the bikes up.

The new weather invigorated me as a mom. I have definitely been suffering the winter doldrums, cabin fever, the winter blues, inertia, call it what you will. I was suffering from ALL of it.

It made me excited to get up and go again. And it renewed my interest in the kids.

Recently I have felt like all I do is run from one emergency to the next, before one emergency is fixed another one is screaming in my ear. As I’m wiping a poopy butt, someone is falling down the stairs. As I’m pulling one kid off another one, two others are fighting over a toy. I’m cooking three different things in the kitchen while walking back and forth over a toddler having a tantrum. Burn the eggs or pick the kid up? But wait, I haven’t started packing the lunches yet! Over and over and over again, all day long.

After a winter’s lockdown, I realized just how long it had been since I looked at the kids. I mean really looked at them. Just like the weather, all of a sudden, they were new to me.

Ben, who refused to ride his new bike last year because it wasn’t EXACTLY the same model as Jack’s not only got on the bike but actually had the gross motor skills to petal it himself. His sensory processing disorder seriously effected his ability before and I was so proud to see him overcome it.

He also has started a budding friendship with Sam. Instead of just following his older brother around, he has been able to build another, new friendship on his own. Today at the Chicago Botanical Gardens Sam insisted on holding Ben’s hand most of the walk.

Watching them all together, how they all interacted differently, had their own friendships and yet they were all so close melted my winter heart.

I hope they will always be this close.

That they will always enjoy each other company, and look out for each other.

You never know what life will bring you, but in the end, family is everything. And today, I feel very blessed for not only the family I came from, but the one Adam and I have created.