Unfortunately for the twins, their birthday fell on the Friday night that we were travelling to St. Louis for a Soccer Tournament.

They were super cool about it, though. Didn’t complain at all when, instead of treating them like the little princes they are, we made them drive 5 hours after school to arrive in St. Louis very late at night.

The last time we were at this tournament we ended up with adjoining rooms that were located right behind the check in desk and next to the elevators. We all slept poorly with pillows over our heads. We also lost every game we played. So I went into this year’s tournament with some trepidation.

We changed the hotel we stayed at and got a much better, quieter rooms.

The twins seemed untraumatized by last year’s events. They went about their weekend in their charming, merry ways.

This year, they played a lot bettered and it showed!

We didn’t win enough games to play in the finals, but at least we didn’t lose every game like last year either! The twins wanted to go see the City Museum so with the afternoon now free, we headed over.

Since we couldn’t celebrate this weekend, we booked a special dinner the next weekend.

And the celebration continues! The twins chose to delay their birthday party by a month so they could have their party at a floating water park. Stay tuned, that blog is coming soon….

This Spring Break we did college tours! I’ve never been on a college tour so I’m pretty sure I was more excited for this Spring Break than Jack was. In fact, I know he wasn’t that excited about it. Although I’m sure Jack was curious, the thought of putting himself out there, making himself vulnerable in front of a group of strangers, was not appealing to him in anyway.

We delayed our departure by a few days so we could run the Shamrock Shuffle.

We got there early to go over the meet up procedure after the race. All the kids are now faster than us so we need to pick a place to meet after it’s over. At the Turkey Trot Ben got lost and luckily Sam spotting him running the wrong way and we caught him. We didn’t want that to happen again. We walked by the meetup spot and pointed out the sign above it so everyone could get a visual and see how far it was in relation to the finish line. Then we went back and lined up in the starting corral.

In the shuffle of people I lost everyone but Sam pretty quickly. In the end Ben finished first, then Aaron, Adam, Sam and finally me.

At the meetup spot, everyone was waiting for me but Ben. We waited for a while but eventually went to tell a race spotter (people who stand in towers raised above the ground) to look for him. They called the lost and found and verified that he finished about 30 minutes before. We spent a good hour and a half wandering the grounds looking for him, Adam even had the police helping. Finally Aaron spotting him walking by himself by the gear drop off. I ran to him, crying, and folded him into a hug. I was so happy to find him. My mind had been racing about all the bad things that could be happening to him. He, on the other hand, was eating the large bag of gummies they gave out at the race end. When I asked him if he was worried he said, no, he knew we’d find each other eventually. I guess I’m glad he had so much confidence in us? But after getting lost at 2 out of 2 races that we have done as a family, he doesn’t run another one without a phone strapped to his arm!

After that we rushed home, showered and ate, then got on the road for our college tour trip.

Jack is interested in pursuing a degree in Engineering, so Adam built a trip that could maximize as many schools as we could see that had engineering majors. And you know how Adam plans trips, right?

We started at Case Western Reserve, a D3 school with a sprawling campus in downtown Cleveland. Jack was most impressed with their Sears think[box], an open-access innovation center and makerspace. I was impressed when they took us to the hall that had plaques of all the Nobel Prize winners that went to the school!

That afternoon we headed over to the University of Pittsburgh. Jack really got to see what it’s like to go to a D1 school. This is more like the experience that Adam and I had. A huge student body large enough to have their own football stadium. I remember University of Florida football games being a big part of the college experience.

Pitt lies in the heart of downtown Pittsburgh and had a lively feel to it. It is also surrounded by other colleges, most notably Carnegie Mellon, which we didn’t tour but could see their stately buildings nearby. Adam mentioned to Jack that it was worth considering. The tour was super well organized and I learned a bunch of important facts, like the level of math that is prefered for applicants of the Engineering program. Jack saw the inside of a dorm room for the first time. I think that was a bit of a shock for him.

Next we drove to University of Virginia. Again a large school with sprawling lawns and stately buildings. This time we did a tour of the Engineer School specifically. It was much more focused on what Jack was interested in and I think he liked that a lot. We were shown into many of the engineering buildings and got to see how they sent little boxes up into space with other launches to conduct research. Also a room full of 3D printers that you can use anytime. I really enjoyed listening to the 2 female students talking about all their work and adventures at the University. Their futures seemed so bright. I wanted that for Jack.

After the school tour, we booked another tour, not of a college but of Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello. It was really impressive to see and we learned so much about Thomas Jefferson! How could one man be a US president, the founder of University of Virginia, an inventor, and single handedly helped restock the Library of Congress after a fire. At one point the tour guide asked what other US President died the same day as Jefferson and Ben raised his hand and knew the answer! I guess playing President’s vs. Aliens on his iPad was not a complete waste of time!

We also drove out to see Virginia Tech. This was the only school we saw that was not in a big city. It was also the largest school we toured. Based on the name I assumed it would have a large Engineering focus but they didn’t touch too much on it during the presentation. Instead the presenter told us about their former Miss America graduate, their large alumni network that guarantees to hire Virginia Tech students above others, and the fact that they don’t read the essays but instead focus on learning how you have served your community. Virginia Tech’s motto is “Ut Prosim” meaning, “That I May Serve” and both the presenter and the tour guide put a lot of focus on it. They also talked a lot about their military cadet program, which is small part of the student population but has historical significance to the school. It was a beautiful campus, but when I saw the large quad (called the Drillfield) and the massive buildings, I worried about my shy, introverted son feeling lost here.

Finally we stopped in Tennessee and took a quick walk around Vanderbilt in downtown Nashville. Again I loved the old buildings with tons of pockets of green space interspersed. It is also a D1 school but is smaller than the other D1 schools was saw. It didn’t feel so big and overwhelming.

By the end of the trip Jack was finally on board. When we got back home, I caught Adam and Jack in front of the computer talking about other colleges he would be interested in visiting. Jack even showed us how we could color code our ‘college tour’ map that we created on google maps to show which school we visited and which ones we did not. Color coding a map? He is definitely MY SON!

When Jack turned 16th I thought it would be a milestone year, one which makes us reflect on how far we’ve come. But 17 years old seems to be a year with much more reflection, at least for me.

At 17 we are in the midst of ACT test prep and college tours. It is becoming very apparent that our time living with Jack is coming to an end. I read a depressing statistic that said 80% of the time we spend with our kids will happen by the time they turn 18. My father once told me how sad it was the day he moved out of our house because he realized all the impromptu moments of joy and laughter you get from just hanging out, the chance moments of connection you share due to the the simple proximity of living in the same place, were gone.

I am pleased to see the changes in Jack. How he has grown into himself. There are many moments when I observe him and think – he is going to make it. He rises to the challenges kids face at this age. He is diligently working though another round of ACT test prep in the hopes of getting his scores up. He is watching his grades. If he needs tutoring, he realizes it and makes sure he gets it. He shows up to school and soccer practices on time. He packs his own bag every day and remembers what he needs. He can juggle his various schedules to make sure he has all his homework and test prep done in time. He has picked more rigorous math classes in his senior year knowing it will help him get into a better college. He shows a lot of common sense, something that will get him very far in life. His ability to think critically is very good.

He is going to make it. He is going to grow up and become a contributing, fully functional member of society.

Already I see a marked change of development even in his friends. Two of the kids who came over to help celebrate his birthday drove themselves to our house. (Getting a driving license is one thing Jack is not working towards.)

Jack’s actual birthday landed on a Wednesday. We had the usual birthday donuts, everyone went to school, Jack did an ACT prep class, then afterwards we went to dinner to celebrate. Unfortunately the twins were under the weather and didn’t come.

Afterwards we celebrated with cake and presents.

That weekend we celebrated Jack’s birthday with his friends at K1 Speed. Go carts at K1 can reach speeds up to 45 mph. For the party, you race three different times and the top three winners get metals.

As soon as school finished for winter break, we packed up and headed down to Florida.

Many of us were still fighting off whatever sickness we seemed to be passing around so the vacation started slowly. The first night we arrived I slept 11 hours.

But slowly we all recovered and started to do fun Florida things.

We ate a lot of good food. Sometimes this consisted of date nights with Adam while my father babysat the kids. Sometimes it was with family. Sometimes it was with friends.

One day we went down to Miami. Above are the pictures of the boys enjoying real Cuban food. We also spent some time wandering around.

While we were in Miami, my friend Laura took the Brightline down from Orlando to see me for the night.

Afterwards, Adam dropped Laura and I off at my friend Gina’s house and we had a girls night. It included dancing. Lots of dancing. On the train back, Laura said she had exercised more in the last 12 hours than she had in weeks.

For New Year’s Eve, our friend Tony from high school organized a group of us to go see Mike Vecchione open for Nate Bargatze.

And there was more! The boys played lots of basketball and tennis. We also did some running. And walking. Which sometimes turned into running.

One day while Adam took the other kids golfing, Ben and I stayed home and made Rugelach with my father.

It was another wonderful vacation in Florida. I’m missing it already. Until next time!!!

Bubbie’s birthday this year was a big one – 85 years old! For this milestone birthday, we headed back down (twice in one year!) to Arizona to celebrate.

Bubbie planned a big birthday extravaganza – with 85 of her friends RSVPing to her 85th birthday.

We ate, we sang karaoke, and we met many of Bubbie’s wonderful friends. But most importantly, we got to spend time with family.

We also got to spend time at Bubbie’s walking her dog Daisy.

We stayed a the Hilton El Conquistador in Tucson. It was such a short visit we didn’t have enough time to enjoy the pool. It didn’t help that Adam fell ill with the flu almost the moment we arrived. We did manage to fit in one fantastic hike at a nearby trail, the Linda Vista Trail. The kids really enjoyed investigating the different rocks and cacti, as well as the views. They also insisted we run the entire way back! It was a downward sloping trail for a long part of the run and at one point Ben was behind me and I could tell I was slowing him down. I let him pass and told him I was sorry I wasn’t faster. He turned and said, “You’re doing pretty good, Mom” before sprinting off on his young, nimble legs.

It’s been over a week since the last two nights of Hanukah. It’s been a busy week, compounded with the fact that most of the Calisoffs have been taking turns having the flu. But finally, with the forced down time of winter holidays, I eventually found some time to catch up with this blog!

But you guys don’t care about that, right? Just show me the Bears, you say? Okay, here they are…

The Seventh Night was an idea I had when Fortnite went OG. This is generational slang for ‘original’ or ‘old school’. Fortnite hit a high a few years ago and all four of the kids were playing it non stop. Later, Fortnite got in a fight with Apple and stopped releasing its iPad version and as a result they lost the twins attention. Then the older boys started to lose interest in the maps. None of the kids played Fortnite for years. So, it was kind of cool to see Fortnite OG back in the house. Everyone was contacting people they played with years ago, some of the kids are at different schools now so it was a reunion of sorts. I was so excited I picked a Fortnite theme for the bears this year. Of course, by the time Hanukah came around, Fortnite OG was gone and everyone had lost interest in the game again!

The kids were completely unimpressed with this set up and Jack told me I picked terrible skins (skins are what Fortnite calls avatars). So, as fun (and labor intensive) as this one was to create, I probably got more enjoyment out of it than the kids.

For the Eighth and final night of Hanukah I made a cardboard airplane for the bears.

This was not just any airplane. This was ArizonaAir, with the tag line, “We Will Never Desert You”.

This was suppose to be hanging from the ceiling but the ropes broke when I went to hang it up and because we were leaving on a plane to Arizona to celebrate Bubbie’s 85th, I didn’t have time to fix it.

Which leads us nicely into tomorrow’s blog post, stay tuned for ‘Bubbie’s 85th Birthday”…

Ah the Bears. What have the gotten up to next?

On the Fourth Night of Hanukah the Bears set up a candy trap. The kids were all happy to help me clean up this scene at the end of the night!

On the fifth night, the Hanukah Bears had fun with the photocopier.

The Bears used a mismatch of costumes from prior years. One used the Groot costume from Guardians of the Galaxy and took a photo with Starlord and Rocket Raccoon. Another two used different Christmas costumes and a mustache. Finally the last one used stuff from our Jamaica scene and very naughtily photographed his behind.

The sixth night was Hanukah Bears baking Hanukah Bear Cookies. I made a chef hat out of tissue paper and copy paper. Then I added two aprons from Adam and my’s “East Meets MidWest” Party that we threw when I first moved here. He wore, “Pork Fat Rules” and I wore, “Dog, the Other White Meat”.

Two more nights to go! Stay tuned….

Given the recent gambling rage at our house, it seemed fitting that the Hanukah Bears started off their first night of mischief with a gambling themed scene.

The Bears were dressed in gambling themed onesies, with help from Jack the day before.

The four shirts said, “I’ve seen my hand, You should quit”, “World’s Okayiest Player”, “I Bought This Shirt With Your Money”, and “I Don’t Gamble, I Invest in the Outcome of the Game.”

I was able to find lots of cool chocolate coins at World Market.

That night, after Adam got home from a work dinner, we lit the candles and opened presents.

Afterwards, we got straight down to gambling away the chocolate coins stolen from the bear’s gambling scene with some rounds of the dreidel game.

The next morning, the kids woke up to more Bear mischief….

Later, after school and after the twins soccer practice, we went for a family dinner to celebrate my birthday at our traditional family birthday dinner restaurant.

We also ate my birthday cake tonight, a Chocolate Ganache cake. I used my new plates that my sister got me for my birthday. I didn’t realize I needed them but have used them every single day since they arrived.

We also opened more presents and spent some time enjoying them.

The next morning, the Bears were at it again, taking metals and bibs from our recent Turkey Trot run.

My 51st Birthday landed on a school day, which I found a favorable outcome. During school hours are the only time I can get some guilt free down time for myself. I had a leisure day planned, a long run, reflexology, a hot shower and a good chunk of time to read the novel I’m totally into this week, “I Have Some Questions For You” by Rebecca Makkai.

We started the day waking early to go get the Calisoff birthday tradition breakfast that everyone on their birthday gets – donuts and egg sandwiches from Dunkin’ Donuts.

I was spoiled by many gifts this birthday: money, massages, expensive chocolates, Lululemon gift cards, kitchen supplies, a blanket and gloves from Adam, my father and my sister as well as a check from my mother-in-law.

After we got rid of all the kids, I was daydreaming about all my free time while on the way to drop Adam at work that morning. Then, the phone rang. It was the car repair shop letting us know the car is ready. Being frugal, I insisted on driving up and getting the car that day. But in our haste we forgot that the second key to the car was at our house. We didn’t realize it. until we drove an hour away to the suburb that our car was in. So up and back to the suburbs twice was how I spend most of my free morning.

When I got back I realized I had to finish preparing the Hanukah bears before I took any time to for myself.

Jack has early dismissal on Wednesdays so he came home while I was fussing over the bears and very sweetly helped me dress the bears for their scene in the morning.

Jack struggled mightily stuffing the bears into onesies and when he finally wrangled them in, the onesies was backward and he had to start again. I told him he would make a terrible father and he jokingly started punching the bears in response.

When we finally got the bears ready I had less than an hour before the twins after school pickup. I could have read then, but I decided I would go support the high school soccer booster club that I’m volunteering for. They were having a team building event for the girls teams. I’m glad I went because it gave me a better sense of the girls side of the program, which I was never privy to before I volunteered.

After that it was time to pick up the twins. It was surprisingly warm for this time of year so they stayed and played for a bit in the playground.

When we got home I had just enough time to make dinner for the kids and change for my date night with Adam. I booked a new Indian Michelin Starred restaurant called Indienne. It was gorgeous food but very fancy and I suspect Adam dutifully suffered without complaint through the entire dinner, good husband that he is.

When we got home, we found the kids all in the basement fighting with each other. I pulled the twins into my room. Aaron was complaining bitterly about how he just wanted to play in the basement but everyone was in his way. I explained to him that the basement belongs to everyone, it’s a common space and we all have to learn how to share. Later I realized that all the kids felt the same way, that they wanted to use the space and felt entitled to it, and the other kids were encroaching. Everyone was operating from their own point of view and no one was thinking about the other persons point of view. Perhaps instead of gratitude training in the house we should be doing empathy training?

Once that settled the kids got in line to get homework help from me. The kids needed me to help them regardless of the date. I am fully aware that the secret to happiness is not the pursuit of hedonistic activities, but feeling a sense of purpose in life. However, getting the reminder of my purpose as a mother on my birthday kind of sucked.

Finally it was time for bed and I asked Adam as a final birthday request that we go to sleep early, to skip watching a show together as we sometimes do before bed. I needed to get up early to stage the bears.

It was not the birthday I planned in my head in the weeks and days leading up to this day. However, in the end it felt better to go to sleep knowing I got everything done that I needed to instead of trying to carve out free time where there isn’t any. Confucious said, “The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm.” I’d rather bend to the storm than break trying to stand my ground.

Stay tuned for the Hanukah Bear show! Coming soon….

Three of our four kids had the entire week of Thanksgiving off this year.

Before this long holiday, they were bemoaning the amount of work they had to do and how tedious going to school every day was, how they NEVER HAD ANY FREE TIME. With talk like this I was anticipating their joy at sleeping late, spending many hours lounging on the couch with electronics, and enjoying each other’s company.

By Sunday night, before their week off even began, some kids were complaining about being bored. Others were picking on their siblings until fights erupted. They were already bored and sick of each other and the entire week off loomed before us, dark and foreboding.

In bed that night Adam lamented what we have done wrong as parents. How did we manage to raise such spoiled, ungrateful kids?

Ungrateful kids! Hmph, I told Adam, we should make the crabby ones keep a gratitude journal. If they don’t do it, they go straight to therapy!

After a good nights sleep I woke up realizing I was operating from my own crabby place the night before. The restful morning made me realized forcing gratitude as a punishment was not a great parenting strategy. I also realized the irony of the situation. We were given this extra time off to celebrate our thanks. Instead of a punishment, why couldn’t we sell gratitude to our kids as something we are doing in keeping with the holiday spirit?

That morning I went out and bought 6 journals. Everyone was going to give gratitude, three times a day, during the entire holiday! I labelled each journal with each family member’s name and did my best sales job, selling gratitude to all of us thanksgiving observers.

We were driving to the orthodontist when I told the twins about it, I said they could say something small, something funny, something big, whatever they wanted.

Sam for example was enjoying the New York style bagels we had gone out to get that morning from our favorite bagel place. Earlier he had told me how much he loved warm, fresh bagels with cold cream cheese in the morning. Sam, I said, you have already fulfilled your first gratitude without even trying.

Aaron immediately pushed Sam and said, jokingly, he was grateful for fighting with Sam.

The gratitude journal put everything in a new light. Later that day when Aaron asked if he could buy some Roblux (game money in the gaming platform Roblox) and I said yes. Instead of asking him to thank me and getting a begrudging thanks in return, I said, wow I’m making this gratitude journal so easy for you. He laughed and said, right?!

When Ben came home from school I told him about it. He had a good day at school and was excited to write down the many reasons why. Ben also helped me get my pizza roller out because my hands were too floury. After he got it for me, instead of thanks I told him I was grateful for him. He had a giggle about that.

Jack took the journals and relabeled them all so everyone was confused. Then to make matters crazier he copied what Aaron was grateful for that day. I wasn’t sure my sales job did the trick on him. Still the others in the house dutifully filled out their journals. Some took it quite seriously. Adam woke up each morning and wrote his down before his day even began!

Meanwhile I took the extra days off to get all the things done we NEVER HAD ANY FREE TIME to do (see first paragraph). Orthodontist appointments, dentist cleanings, ACT prep classes and driving lessons peppered each day.

On Thanksgiving morning we ran the Turkey Trot.

That afternoon, while the rest of the family moaned about cramps, rested with electronics or football, and/or fell asleep all over the couches and rooms of the house, I cooked a feast.

Afterwards, we broke out the gratitude journals and shared them.

I’m not sure if the journals kept the kids from fighting or complaining, or if all the fun we had over the holiday made them less whiny, but it was a fun activity for all. I liked getting an insight into what everyone else in the house appreciated.

Sam, who is always so clever that sometimes his thoughts are too high level for me to understand, wrote one day, “Mom did not buy brownies.” Sounds ungrateful, right? But actually, it was grateful. About a week ago we pulled out a cookie cookbook that Japo (Hakka Chinese word for Grandma) bought Ben for his 10th birthday. Sam carefully went through and selected his top three recipes and we spent the next week cooking them together. One of his picks was the Mississippi Mud Brownie.

Jack was grateful for watching his buddies plow each other over and fall all over the place when they went to the Maggie Daley Ice Skating Rink earlier this week. I was equally grateful that day for Jack spending time with friends. Since we practically live in a frat house, Jack doesn’t feel the need to connect with his friends as much as I did when I was that age, so it’s always nice when I see him spend time with his peers.

I was even more grateful that Jack did his first highway driving and parallel parking with a professional driver instead of scaring the bejesus out of me this week.

Ben was most grateful for his Turkey Trot metal. In fact, after the run all the kids were so jazzed by the experience that I immediately signed us all up for the Shamrock Shuffle in March.

Aaron made jokes the entire time we shared our journals but I peeked in his and the one that surprised me most was, “I feel much better after throwing up twice today.” I liked how he could find the silver lining in such a terrible experience. I also was grateful that day for Aaron managing to throw up entirely in the toilet instead of on the floor, at least for the first upchuck.

Adam’s thanks were mostly about his appreciation for his family and being able to spend time with them.❤️

Adam spent most evenings teaching the boys this week gambling, but in typical Adam fashion, there was also a learning opportunity here. He drilled into them how statistically it was a losing game, and proved it each night. They especially learned how stupid it was to play blackjack. Having said all that, I think Aaron and Ben are addicted anyway.

We rounded out the weekend with a trip to the movie theater to see The Marvels. Again I was grateful that all the boys wanted to go see women superheros kicking butt. We have come a long way since I was a kid as far as women role models.

I hope everyone reading this had their own grateful Thanksgiving! If not, may I suggest a gratitude journal?