Japo watches the Twins

With both my mother and mother in law in tow Saturday afternoon we headed to Jack’s school carnival.

So many helpers meant I was actually able to have my hands free and chat to some of the other parents. Okay, I’m not sure I needed all the extra help, but it did assuage my guilt. While standing with a group of parents, I noticed Adam across the lawn, a baby strapped to his chest in a bjorn, with Ben on his shoulders while holding Jack’s hand for a carnival game.

Jack Plays all the Carnival Games

It was a perfect day, weather wise. Jack was having a blast. Both kids had napped that afternoon and were full of energy. Adam took them to the shoe store to get new shoes and Jack raced around the play ground showing everyone just how fast his new shoes were. Ben preferred to snack his way through the carnival – popcorn, hot dog, ice cream, cotton candy.

My mother said it reminded her of the days when we was in elementary school at Addison Mizner. They would have end of the year carnivals to celebrate. I don’t remember any of them, but you’ll bet I won’t forget taking my kids to their school carnivals. In some ways I think it’s more fun to watch your kids have fun then it ever was to actually have fun as a kid…

Bubbie joins us at the Carnival

Gina was in town for a conference this weekend and stopped by to visit Friday afternoon. I’ve known her since high school and we’ve managed to keep in touch via a 6-way email with a few of our other high school friends. This email group has the uninspired name of “The 6-Way Email Girls”.

Gina Visits

Email changed our lives. Because of it, we not only kept in touch, but we’ve gone on vacations together and kept up strong bonds of friendship.

All the woman in the group have an interesting background, and Gina is no different. She is a sarcoma (type of cancer) doctor. As of this month she is starting in a new private practice in Atlanta.

When she arrived her first words were, “Dude, I tell everyone about your story. If friends of mine want to have a third kid, I always say, be careful, listen to what happened to my friend Nikki.”

Wow, I’ve become a cautionary tale.

She came bearing many gifts for the kids. Expensive Lego sets for the older boys and cute onsies from the Disney store for the younger kids. Jack did an excellent job at putting together the Duplo set all on his own. It was a proud moment for me. Not sure why, he figured it out all on his own?!

It was so nice to see her. When it was time for her to go, she told me, “It’s exactly as I pictured it at your house, not better or worse. I just imagined my nephew’s Johnny and Joey at every age, all at once.”

I walked her to a cab and listened to her day. Travel to another city, a swim to train for her triathlon, then drinks and dinner with friends at a trendy restaurant. Sounded a lot like my life before kids. I felt a twinge of jealousy that all she had to do that day was look after herself.

But as I turned back to the insanity of my house, I reminded myself that this time is fleeting and it will be over before I know it. I have plenty of time in life for swimming, drinks and dinner, but only one time in life to raise kids.

Seems like when you have new born babies, people are full of advice on how you should handle it. They are sure you aren’t doing it right.

I found myself guilty of this myself at the dentist office the other day. The technician had a friend whose baby was cranky all day but slept well at night. I identified it as hunger, which is how Sam acted before I gave in and supplemented him with formula. Who knows if this new mother will appreciate my advice. I know if I got it when I had my first born I would be offended. No one could tell me the right was to raise Jack. I had read too many ‘expert’ books to listen to a layman.

Funny how things change. Now when people tell me how I need to change my mothering methods, I welcome the discussion. I no longer look at it as a personal affront, but rather helpful advice from friends.

My friend Lottie came by the other day and said I really need a night nurse. She suggested at least hiring one for a few weeks to help train the twins to sleep longer. Now why didn’t I think of that? It’s a great compromise. I don’t have to have a night nurse for months, I can do it during the stretch of time when I feel it’s right to sleep train, should that become necessary.

Another friend, Tami, suggested I get a night nurse for at least one night to get some sleep. Again, I’m open to the idea of getting someone in one or two nights a week to get some sleep. Perhaps it’s money better spent than trying to catch up on sleep during the day?

Either way, I decided to listen to Adam and everyone else’s advice and hire my summer helper for a few hours this morning so I could get some sleep. Everyone seemed very happy about this except for Jack. He was going to miss playing with her, he had school. Even Ben waved me off without a second thought as soon as Kristen arrived!

There was no way I would be able to sleep in the house with so many people around, so I drove to the gym to lay down in the sleep room. Yes, our gym has a sleep room.

Adam hitched a ride with me and on the way there I told him how I didn’t feel tired at all. It’s incredible how many nights you can go without sleep and run on fumes alone. I was only going to the gym to sleep because everyone else in my life is insisting on it.

I told him how upsetting it was for me to leave Kristen to play with Ben. That should be me playing with Ben. I didn’t want to miss the joy of wrestling with him and giving him the tickle torture.

In fact, if there was one part of this exhausting experience that I could pass to someone else it would be sleep. If only I could hire Kristen to sleep for me?

In the end I fell asleep instantly and woke with the feeling that it was the middle of the night.  I realized I am tired, but I’m in the thick of it and it’s hard to identify and all to easy to ignore.