Thanks you everyone for all your blessings. It is truly a blessing. Maybe it won’t feel like that when they are first born, or for the first year. Or even the second. But eventually it will be a blessing, right?

When I knew I was pregnant, but before I was informed it was twins, I had my mind set on how a new baby would fit in. It would just be a question of layering another kid on. Adam said I’d need help, but once again I refused. In fact I tried to convince Adam not to send Ben to preschool. I could handle two at home.

Since I heard of my new reality, I’ve been wandering around in a daze, contemplating how it will all work. It’s not layering on another kid, it’s doubling the amount of kids we have now! I feel like my mind is like a computer, every moment is reevaluated with the thought, how will twins fit into this picture?

When Ben woke this morning at 5:30, instead of taking my husband up on his offer to let me sleep in, I asked him to bring Ben to bed with us. Laying in the covers laughing and hugging I thought, time is limited for this sort of leisure. I’d better suck up every cuddle, smile, and piece of focused, one-on-one time while I can.

I begged Adam for one last trip to New York to see my buddies from Asia before I lose my freedom completely. Who knows when I’ll be able to travel and socialize after the twins are born. TWINS. Oh my god.

Should I rename the blog Quadra-Mom?

I told my friend Anna last night that when I lay on my death bed I think the only thing I’ll know for sure is that I know nothing. I spent years reading and deciding what type of mom I would be. I believed in baby carrying. I believed in breast feeding exclusively for the first year of life. Now all that will probably be impossible. I certainly can’t refuse help anymore.

When I put aside the fear and shock, there is a lot of excitement underneath. A new challenge in life! All in front of me to be shaped and formed just to suit us. It’s not dissimilar to the feeling I got when we got engaged – a huge beautiful project to build uniquely for us. If we do it right, everyone will enjoy it. If we do it right, we will be proud of it for the rest of our lives.

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